When Someone Close to You Is Anxious and You Can’t Help
Key Takeaways
- Isaiah 35:3 addresses the bystander standing next to an anxious person rather than the anxious individual, giving supporters a direct assignment from God to shore up what is weak.
- Author Matt Haig experienced a severe breakdown of panic and depression at age twenty-four, ultimately crediting the persistent, non-fixing presence of his partner Andrea as a key factor in his survival.
- Supporters should shift their focus from trying to cheer or talk someone out of anxiety to simply showing up consistently without demanding proof that their presence is working.
- Instead of making empty promises that a difficult situation will turn out fine, supporters can offer the biblical truth found in Isaiah about God coming to save and be present.
- Helping a loved one connect with professional care, such as a doctor or licensed counselor, is an essential act of love and part of staying in the room.
You've said the comforting things and prayed in the kitchen, and the anxiety hasn't moved. Learn who Isaiah 35:3 is speaking to, and what it gives you to say.
Maybe you've watched somebody you love wrestle with anxiety that won't lift. A husband or a wife, or a friend you've known for twenty years. You've said the comforting things more than once, and you've prayed with them in the kitchen, and the anxiety is still right where it was. What wears on a person is the part where nothing seems to register. You start to wonder if somebody better at this would have gotten through by now.
This episode opens with Matt Haig, who was twenty-four when his mind came apart. A breakdown of panic and depression knocked him flat, until he no longer wanted to be alive. He went home to recover, and recovery was slow and ugly. He couldn't be talked or cheered out of it.
Isaiah 35:3 speaks to the one standing nearby: "With this news, strengthen those who have tired hands, and encourage those who have weak knees." Start with who's being addressed, because that's what most people miss. The command doesn't go to the anxious person. It goes to whoever is standing next to them. God hands the assignment to the bystander, which means the job you've been doing clumsily for months is an assignment God gave out on purpose.
Then look at the body parts. In the Hebrew the hands have gone slack and the knees are stumbling, which is what exhaustion and fear look like in a body. Isaiah isn't asking you to change anybody's mind. He's asking you to shore up what's giving out.
Now look at the first three words. With this news. The strengthening is tied to something you say, and the next verse tells you what it is. Say to those with fearful hearts, be strong and do not fear, your God is coming. That holds up whether or not anybody feels better tonight. Chapter 35 is where the desert blooms and a highway runs through it, so the news is about a future your person cannot see from where they stand.
So your part comes down to two things. Keep showing up without requiring proof that it's working, because the measuring is what wears people out and talks them into quitting. And change what you say, from the situation turning out fine to God coming. One more thing belongs in there. If your person needs a doctor or a counselor, helping them get there is part of staying.
Bart shares his own version of this, years of chaplain work in rooms where the training and the degree behind his name didn't touch what was in front of him.
BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU'LL DISCOVER:
Who Isaiah 35:3 is addressed to, and why that changes your job What the Hebrew says about slack hands and stumbling knees One sentence to say this week that holds up on a night when nothing is fine
You don't have to fix them. God is doing work inside them you can't see, and your faithful love is one of the ways He's doing it. Stay in the room.
A note on today's topic. If you or someone you love is struggling with anxiety or depression that won't lift, please talk to a doctor or a licensed counselor. Getting someone to help is an act of love. If you or they are in crisis, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, available around the clock in the United States.
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Frequently Asked Questions
What does Isaiah 35:3 say about helping someone with anxiety?
Isaiah 35:3 commands those standing nearby to strengthen tired hands and encourage weak knees, directing the assignment of support to the bystander rather than the anxious person.
How did Matt Haig recover from his severe breakdown?
Matt Haig recovered slowly after a severe breakdown of panic and depression at age twenty-four, aided crucially by his partner Andrea, who refused to leave his side and helped him get professional help.
What should you say to someone who is struggling with severe anxiety?
Instead of trying to guarantee the situation will turn out fine, you can share the biblical promise that God is coming to save and remain with them in their struggle.
What is the role of a supporter when someone close to them is anxious?
Your role as a supporter is not to fix or cure the person, but to keep showing up, change your words to point toward God's presence, and help them access professional resources if needed.
Matt Haig was 24 when his mind came apart. A breakdown of
Speak:panic and depression knocked him flat until he no longer wanted
Speak:to be alive. He went home to recover, but recovery was slow
Speak:and ugly. The anxiety didn't lift quickly. He couldn't be
Speak:talked or cheered out of it, and he couldn't reason his own way
Speak:back to okay. The truth was, Matt didn't survive that stretch
Speak:on his own. Someone stayed by him. We'll come back to what
Speak:happened, but first,
Speak:welcome to Daily Devotions for Busy Lives. I'm Bart Leger.
Speak:Years of chaplain work put me in places where I had nothing to
Speak:offer. Somebody's worst day, and all I could do sometimes was
Speak:just be there. I'll tell you what I wanted. I wanted it to be
Speak:useful. Sometimes, it was just making a pot of coffee and
Speak:sitting with a person. Maybe you've watched somebody you love
Speak:wrestle with anxiety that won't lift. A husband or a wife or a
Speak:friend you've known for many years. You've said the
Speak:comforting things, and you've said them more than once. in the
Speak:kitchen, and the anxiety is still right where it was. What
Speak:wears on a person is the part where nothing seems to register.
Speak:You start to wonder if you're doing this thing all wrong, or
Speak:if somebody better at it would have gotten through by now.
Speak:Isaiah has a verse that speaks to the one standing nearby. It's
Speak:in Isaiah 35, verse 3. With this news, strengthen those who have
Speak:tired hands, and encourage those who have weak knees. Think about
Speak:who's being addressed. The command doesn't go to the
Speak:anxious person. It goes to whoever is standing next to them.
Speak:God hands the assignment to the bystander. And that means the
Speak:job you've been doing clumsily for months is an assignment God
Speak:gave out on purpose. Then look at the body parts, hands and
Speak:knees. The hands have gone slack, and the knees are stumbling.
Speak:That's what exhaustion and fear look like in a body. Isaiah
Speak:isn't asking you to change anybody's mind or correct their
Speak:thinking. He's asking you to shore up what's weak. Now look
Speak:at those first three words, because they're doing more work
Speak:than they appear to with this news. The strengthening is tied
Speak:to something you say, and the next verse tells you what it is.
Speak:Say to those with fearful hearts, be strong and do not fear. Your
Speak:God is coming. He is coming to save you. That's a different
Speak:thing than reassurance about the situation. You've already tried
Speak:telling your person it's going to be fine, and they can't make
Speak:themselves believe you because neither of you knows that. What
Speak:Isaiah puts in your mouth is a promise about who God is and
Speak:what He's coming to do, and that holds up whether or not anybody
Speak:feels better tonight. It helps to know where this verse falls
Speak:in Isaiah. Chapter 35 is the one where the desert blooms and a
Speak:highway runs through it. The news you're delivering is about
Speak:a future your person can't see from where they're standing. So
Speak:your part is to keep pointing at it in a voice they trust. The
Speak:writer of Hebrews picked this verse and handed it to the
Speak:church. "Strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees," he wrote,
Speak:which means God has never expected an anxious soul to get
Speak:strong on its own. So here's your part. And it comes down to
Speak:two things. Keep showing up without requiring proof that
Speak:it's working. Your presence is probably doing something you
Speak:can't even measure from where you're standing. And change what
Speak:you say. Talk about what God is going to do and what God can do.
Speak:on a night when nothing is fine, because that one is true. I'll
Speak:add one more thing. If your person needs a doctor or a
Speak:counselor, helping them get there is part of staying. Matt
Speak:was afraid to go. Andrea took him anyway. Her name was Andrea.
Speak:woman he'd later marry and build a life and two kids with. The
Speak:worst of it she simply refused to leave. She couldn't fix his
Speak:brain or make the fear stop. What she could do was stay close
Speak:and available through panic attacks and all the times he was
Speak:sure he was a burden. Matt later wrote that her presence was one
Speak:of the reasons he's still alive. She didn't cure him. What she
Speak:did was she loved him through it and that turned out to be the
Speak:thing that mattered. she loved him through it. Andrea hadn't
Speak:had any training and didn't have a technique and she gave him the
Speak:one thing nobody else could. By his own account, she wasn't
Speak:saying the right thing. She was listening and she was there.
Speak:Here's today's challenge. Think of the person you've been trying
Speak:to help then take the pressure off yourself to fix them. Tell
Speak:God you're handing the outcome to him and keeping the post that
Speak:he gave you to be there with them. Then do your Isaiah 35
Speak:part this week. Send one message or say one sentence about who
Speak:God is and what he's coming to do. Something like, "I don't
Speak:know how this all resolves, but I do know God is with you in
Speak:it." And stay present with them. That's the assignment. Father,
Speak:you told the people standing nearby to strengthen tired hands
Speak:and steady stumbling knees, and you gave them the words to say,
Speak:"Thank you that you never asked us to cure anybody." For
Speak:everybody listening who's worn out loving somebody through
Speak:anxiety that won't lift, strengthen them today. Do the
Speak:work inside their person that none of us can see or even reach.
Speak:In Jesus' name, amen. If Daily Devotions for Busy Lives has
Speak:been an encouragement to you, would you take a minute and
Speak:leave a rating and review? It helps more people find these
Speak:devotions and it only takes a moment. I'd be so grateful.
Speak:Thanks for joining me on Daily Devotions for Busy Lives.
Speak:Remember, God gave the assignment to the one standing
Speak:nearby, and he gave you something to say, "Stay in the
Speak:room." Come back next time for more encouragement to help you
Speak:live grounded in God's truth. Until then, God bless and have a
Speak:great day.
