What to Do When You're Envious of Someone Else's Marriage

Jen was scrolling one night when the feeling hit

her again. There it was, another friend's post about her

wonderful husband. An anniversary caption. A photo

where the two of them looked like they'd never had a rough

day. Jen was married too, and happy enough, but something in

her still pinched. she started to wonder if everyone else had

figured out something about marriage that she she thought

back to her dating years. Back then, when a boyfriend

frustrated her, she'd call a friend and talk about it for an

hour. Everybody did. You heard the good and the messy, so

nobody's relationship looked flawless. Married life felt

different, and at first, she couldn't figure out why. All she

knew was that her friend's marriages looked airtight, and

hers, seen from the inside, looked like work. We'll come

back to what Jen figured out, but first,

welcome to Daily Devotions for Busy Lives. I'm Bart Leger. As a

pastor, people sometimes come to me discouraged about their own

marriage, and often it's because they've been looking at someone

else's. They're sure the couple across the room never argues and

never goes to bed frustrated. I end up telling them the same

thing pretty much every time. You're only seeing that marriage

from the outside. You have no idea what goes on in their house

when no one is watching. Nobody does, except the two of them and

God. Maybe you know what I'm talking about. You watch another

couple, and something in you shrinks. They finish each

other's sentences. They at each other's jokes in a way you and

your spouse haven't in a long time. And you drive home from

that dinner or that gathering feeling worse than when you

walked in, taking inventory of everything your own marriage

seems to be missing. And it's an easy trap to fall into because

the comparison feels like information that's coming in

from everywhere, and yours, your marriage doesn't even stack up.

It looks like you're seeing the truth about their marriage and

yours side by side. But the comparison is rigged. You're

measuring what they let you see against everything you know

about your own. Paul put his finger on the root of this, and

it goes deeper than marriage. Listen to 1 Timothy 6, verses

6-8. Now godliness with contentment is great gain, for

we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can

carry nothing out. And having food and clothing, with these we

shall be content. Godliness with contentment is great gain. Paul

is warning Timothy about measuring your life by what you

don't have. The moment you start ranking yourself against

everyone else, you lose, because there is always someone else

with more or what we think is more, and the wanting never ends.

Contentment breaks that cycle. It's the decision to receive

what God has given you as enough and to stop grading it against

the next person. So, bring that home to your marriage. Your

marriage is not their marriage, and it was never supposed to be.

You don't see what happens between that couple in private,

the tense conversations, and the weeks they'd never post about.

What you have in front of you is your own marriage, with its

ordinary work and its own history. And, here's the hope.

God can do something in that marriage that no amount of

comparing ever will. Comparison only points out where you come

up short. God gets to work right where you are in the marriage

you have. Then, it clicked. Once two people say, I do, they stop

airing the small stuff. You don't call a friend to vent

about your husband the way you once vented about a boyfriend.

It feels like betraying a teammate. So, every married

couple starts presenting as one happy unit, and the arguments

and the cold mornings all happen offstage. comparing her

backstage to everyone else's highlight reel. The marriages

she envied weren't better than hers, necessarily. She just

couldn't see their offstage the way she saw her own. And that's

the thing for us to hold on to. You've been comparing your

backstage to everyone else's highlight reel. You know every

unglamorous detail about your own marriage, and you almost

know nothing of theirs. The couple you envy has some pretty

tough mornings, too. You just don't get to see them. Here's

today's challenge. The next time you catch yourself envying

another couple, stop and name the one thing you're grateful

for in your own marriage. Not, you know, any great grand thing.

Or maybe just the way your spouse makes the coffee or

checks on you after a long day. Then, take five minutes and ask

God to work in your marriage the one you have instead of asking

Him to make it look like someone else's. Contentment usually

starts with paying attention to what's already in your hands.

Father, forgive us for measuring our marriages against everyone

else's and for warning what we think other people have. Thank

you that you've never asked us to have someone else's marriage.

You gave us this one with its own two people and its own

history. Teach us contentment, the kind that receives what

you've given us enough, and do the work in our marriage that

only you can do. In Jesus' name, amen. If this episode encouraged

you today, would you share it with someone who might need to

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Until then, God bless and have a great day.