What to Do When Someone Rejects Your Apology

David had spent years running for his life from

a man who used to love him. King Saul had turned on him out of

jealousy, and now he was hunting David through the wilderness

with an army. David had done nothing to deserve it. He'd

served Saul faithfully and even married into his family. None of

it mattered. Saul wanted him dead. One day, David and his men

were hiding deep in a cave when Saul himself walked in, alone,

to relieve himself. He had no idea they were there. The most

dangerous man in David's life was standing a few feet away,

defenseless, his back turned. David's men could hardly believe

it. This was the moment, they whispered. God had handed Saul

right to him. David rose and crept toward the king with a

blade in his hand. We'll come back to what he did with it, but

first, welcome to Daily Devotions for Busy Lives. I'm

Bart Leger. Years ago, when I was a youth pastor, I made an

assumption and said something to a parent that upset him. I went

back to him and apologized and told him I was wrong, because I

was. He would have none of it. He ended up leaving the church

over it, and I've never had a chance since then to make it

right. So when I say this next part is disorienting, I'm

talking about something I've been through myself. You went to

the person, you told them you were sorry and they didn't

accept it. Maybe they told you it was too late. Maybe they got

up and left the conversation without saying anything at all.

Most of us grew up with a simple picture of how this was supposed

to work. You apologize and they forgive you. Things go back to

normal. When the second half never comes, it can leave you

hanging. So you start second-guessing the apology

itself. Maybe you said it wrong. Maybe you waited too long. You

think about going back and saying it again. Maybe better

this time. Somewhere in there, you know that a second run at it

would be more about your relief than about them. There's a line

in Psalm 34 that's helped me more than any other verse in the

Bible about that. Psalm 34, 14. Turn away from evil and do good.

Search for peace and work to maintain it. Search for peace

and work to maintain it. Both of these things are what you can do

with your own hands, but peace is never guaranteed. David wrote

that psalm and he knew what he was talking about because he

spent years searching for peace with a man who kept refusing to

take it. Look at what the verse assigns to you. The searching

and the work. The other person's answer was never on your list.

Paul says the same thing plainly in Romans 12. As much as depends

on you, live peaceably with all men. As much as depends on you.

That phrase is a limit and the limit's mercy. God knows some of

these situations have a second person in them and who has

decided against peace. So here's what a finished apology looks

like. You named the thing you did without excusing it and you

didn't attach conditions or ask them to admit their half. Then

you stopped. If that's what happened, the apology is

complete whether or not they received it. God measures your

repentance by what you brought to him and he saw all of it.

What stays with you afterward is the wanting. You want to be

released. You want them to say it's fine so you can put the

whole thing down and put it to sleep. But here's the good news

in that. God can give you that release directly and he often

gives it long before the other person ever does. David didn't

use the for what you might expect. David only cut off a

corner of Saul's robe and let him walk out of the cave alive.

Then he called after him and held up the piece of cloth as

proof. See, he said, I could have killed you and I didn't. I

mean you no harm. Saul broke down and wept. He admitted David

was the better man and would one day be king. For a moment, it

looked like the whole feud was over. It wasn't. Before long,

Saul was chasing him again and David finally accepted that he

could not fix a man who didn't want peace. David had done his

part. He kept his hands clean and he left Saul in the hands of

God. Look at what David got for his trouble. Saul wept and

admitted the throne would be David's. Before long, he was

back on the hunt anyway. That was the closest thing to

reconciliation David ever got out of him and it still didn't

hold. So he stopped working on the man and settled into two

things he could control. He kept his hands clean and he left the

rest to God. Here's today's challenge. Check the apology you

already made against one thing. Did you admit faultfully and

then leave the response alone? If that's what you did, the

work's finished and you can quit rehearsing it at two in the

morning. Say this out loud today if you need to hear it. I did my

part and the rest belongs to God. Then go do something good with

the rest of your day, which is the other half of what Psalm 34

asked of you. Father, thank you that you see what we bring to

you and that the other person's answer was never our assignment.

For everyone listening who apologized and got turned away,

settle their heart today and take the replaying it off of

them. Give them grace to quit knocking on a door that stays

shut and to keep their hands clean while they wait on you.

Where reconciliation is still possible, soften the other

person and open the way. Where the door stays shut, hold this

one steady and be their peace. In Jesus' name, amen. If you

need prayer today, I'd love to hear from you. You can leave me

a voicemail at dailydevotionsforbusylives.com

slash voicemail. I listen to everyone and it would be an

honor to bring your name before the Lord. Thanks for joining me

on Daily Devotions for Busy Lives. Remember, you can search

for peace and work for it and you cannot hand it to anybody

who won't take it. Do your part and leave the rest with God.

Come back next time for more encouragement to help you live

grounded in God's truth. Until then, God bless and have a great

day.