What to Do When You’re Embarrassed of Your Past

Andrea spent her freshman year of college partying more

than studying, and her grades showed it. Years later, she

could live with a bad transcript. What stayed with her was the

girl she'd been that year. Every time the memory came up, she'd

wince. That version of her, the one making those choices,

embarrassed her. The truth was, Andrea had changed years She

just hadn't stopped punishing herself for who she used to be.

We'll come back to what changed for Andrea, but first,

welcome to Daily Devotions for Busy Lives. I'm Bart Leger. Like

Andrea, I'm embarrassed about the second semester of my

freshman year of college. I slept in a lot of mornings and

missed a 7.30 class more times than I want to count. Most

afternoons, I was on a tennis court. The books stayed in my

room. Nobody was making me do any of that. When I went back

for my sophomore year, I decided I'd make the best grades I

possibly could. And I did. I graduated with honors. Here's

the part that stuck with me. The honors didn't erase the memory

of that kid sleeping through his alarm almost every day. I can

still wince about him. A lot of Christians have pockets of

embarrassment about who they used to be. Decisions you'd

never make now. A choice you look back at and wince about.

Maybe something nobody else even remembers. And here's what's

confusing about it. You may be completely settled with God

about what you did. You've confessed it. You believe he

forgave it. And the guilt is gone. But embarrassment is a

different animal. Guilt is about the act. Embarrassment is about

the person who did it. So forgiveness can fully apply to

the deed. And yet you still cringe at yourself. Isaiah has a

verse for this. And where it falls in the chapter is the

halfway point. Isaiah 1.18

Start with the chapter around it because Isaiah 1 is built as a

courtroom. God calls heaven and earth as witnesses in verse 2.

Then he brings the charges. And he doesn't soften any one of

them. By verse 15, he tells them that their hands are covered

with blood. Verses 16 and 17 say, Wash yourselves and learn to do

good. So the offer in verse 18 arrives after a complete

indictment. God never minimizes a thing on his way to it. Then

look at what he proposes. Come now. Let's settle this. its

conclusion, which is why older translations give it as, Let us

reason together. God is offering to close the file. And look at

the colors he picked. Scarlet and crimson came from an insect

and they were the most colorfast dyes in the ancient world.

People in that room knew those stains did not come out of cloth.

God picks the two permanent ones on purpose and he offers back

the color the wool was before anyone dyed it. Here's what

settles the embarrassment. A settled case stays settled. God

isn't holding the file open, waiting for you to feel worse

about it first. And verses 19 and 20 lay out the terms. So

there's a cost on your side of it. He's closed it. He wrote it

down. Which means every time you replay that memory and wins,

you're relitigating a case that was settled years ago. And

you're the only party still arguing it. The judge went home.

So two things to do with that. Quit arguing the closed case.

When the memory comes back, you don't have to review the

evidence again. You can say out loud that God settled it and

then go do the next thing on your list. And let the memory be

evidence of the settlement. The kid in your heart is proof of

something God did. He testifies for you now. What changed for

her was the reading. In scripture, that in Christ she

was made new and that her past had no hold on her anymore. The

rebel girl she kept wincing about was gone. God had already

closed the book on that year. He wasn't waiting for her to feel

worse about it first. So she stopped keeping the old version

of herself on life support. She's a wife and a mom of three

now. And she teaches English to immigrants and refugees. When

the embarrassing memory comes back, she just lets it be what

it is. A part of the story God already rewrote. She stopped

keeping the old version of herself on life support. Nobody

else was keeping that girl alive. Andrea was doing it every time

she went back and winced. And the day she quit is the day that

version of her finally got to be past tense. Here's today's

challenge. Write down the thing you're embarrassed about. One

line, one thing, no explaining it or defending yourself. Then

write this under it. And if you want the reference, put Isaiah 1:

18 beside it. Then do one thing today that the old version of

you wouldn't have done. Make the phone call or keep the

commitment you've been letting slide. That's what a changed

trajectory looks like in practice and it beats another

hour of wincing at who you used to be. Father, you told your

people to come and settle it with you. And you said it after

you told them the truth about themselves. Thank you that you

never asked anybody to feel worse before you would close the

file. For everybody listening who keeps an old version of

themselves alive by replaying the embarrassment, let them hear

that the case is closed. Help them live forward from a

settlement you already signed. In Jesus name, amen. If Daily

Devotions for Busy Lives has been an encouragement to you,

would you take a minute and leave a rating and review? It

helps more people find these devotions and it only takes a

moment. I'd be so grateful. Thanks for joining me on Daily

Devotions for Busy Lives. Remember, God picked the two

stains everybody knew were permanent and then he offered to

make them white. The case is settled. Quit arguing it. Come

back next time for more encouragement to help you live

grounded in God's truth. Until then, God bless and have a great

day.