Rebuilding Broken Trust

Mark looked his wife in the eye and said, I'm having an

affair, and I'm not going to stop. Then, he walked out. Joe

Savage had five kids in a ministry, and a marriage that

had just been blown apart. She could have called a lawyer, and

I know a lot of people would have. Instead, she called out to

God. Over the following months, Mark ended the affair and moved

back in. He said he was sorry, and Jill made one of the hardest

decisions a person could make. She chose to forgive him. And

here's the part most people don't talk about. That wasn't

the hardest part. The hard part came later when she was driving

down the road one afternoon, minding her own business, and

she passed a hotel. The hotel. And everything came flooding

back. We'll come back to what happened next. But first,

welcome to Daily Devotions for Busy Lives. I'm Bart Leger, and

I've been a pastor for over 40 years. Today, we're talking

about something most of us have experienced in one form or

another. That is a broken relationship that needs to be

rebuilt. Maybe it's a marriage that took a direct hit. Possibly,

it's a friendship that was fractured by a serious betrayal.

Maybe it's a professional relationship where trust was

violated, and things have never been quite the same since.

Whatever the situation, most of us know that I'm sorry is not

really going to help that much. It's not the finish line. It's

more like a starting line. the road from that starting line to

genuine, restored trust is longer and harder than almost

anyone expects. Here's what Proverbs 17.9 says about it.

Now that verse holds a tension worth spending some time with.

Love prospers when a fault is forgiven. That's the goal. But

notice what it is not saying. It doesn't say, Love prospers the

moment a fault is forgiven. That's a process between

forgiveness and flourishing. And the process is what we're

talking about today. Let's start with something important.

Forgiveness and trust are not the same thing. We sometimes

treat them as though they are, and that confusion causes a lot

of pain. Forgiveness is a decision. It's a choice that you

make. By the grace of God, to release someone from the debt

they owe you. And believe me, forgiveness is not a feeling.

When you forgive someone, it doesn't mean what the other

person did was okay or that it wasn't bad. Forgiving someone

doesn't mean you pretend it didn't hurt. It means you choose

not to hold it over the person any longer. And Scripture is

very clear on this matter. We are called to forgive. Ephesians

4.32 puts it directly. Forgive one another, just as God through

Christ has forgiven you. Now, let's talk about trust. Trust is

different from forgiveness. A person can rebuild our trust

when their behavior changes consistently over time. The

person who wronged can't simply demand that you trust them. It

doesn't work that way. You can't rush or fake trust either. It's

got to be earned. And the earning happens slowly. It's

only rebuilt through consistent action and change that people

can see. Forgiving someone doesn't obligate you to

immediately trust them again. These are two separate things

and it's okay to keep them separate. This is where a lot of

people get stuck. They forgive and then they feel guilty when

the trust isn't immediately restored. They wonder if their

forgiveness was real or if something is spiritually wrong

with them. Forgiveness being real and trust taking time are

not in conflict with each other. They're simply two different

things on two different timelines. Think about how God

deals with us. When we come to Him in repentance, He forgives

completely and immediately. 1 John 1.9 says, He is faithful

and just to forgive us and cleanse us from all

unrighteousness. But the restoration of our walk with Him,

the rebuilding of intimacy and trust through daily faithfulness

and obedience, now that unfolds over time. God models both sides

of this. Instant forgiveness and then patient, gradual

restoration. rebuilding trust isn't just a one-way street.

Both people in the relationship need to work on it. The person

who caused the hurt needs to provide more than an apology.

Their behavior from this point forward needs to be genuine.

What I mean by that is not changing behavior simply to get

the other person to trust them. That's transactional. It needs

to be done just because it's the right thing to do. Even if the

other person isn't fully ready to extend their trust yet.

Shortcuts don't work here. And pressure doesn't work. What

works is time and consistent action. From the person who is

hurt, rebuilding trust requires a willingness to stay present in

the process without using the past as a permanent weapon.

Proverbs 17.9 is clear. Dwelling on the fault separates close

friends. There's a difference between a wound resurfacing

honestly and using an old wound as ammunition. One is just part

of the healing process. The other is a barrier to it. Both

of those things can be true at the same time and navigating the

difference honestly is just part of the hard work. Now, let's get

back to Jill. One day, she found herself driving by that hotel.

It was more than she can handle so she called her counselor. She

said, I already forgave him. Why does this keep coming back? Her

counselor went on to say something that changed how Jill

understood the whole process. She told her, Forgiveness isn't

once and done. It's a layered process. Each wound that

surfaces requires its own act of release. So, Jill forgave the

hotel. Then, she forgave the financial chaos that came about

separately. Then, the hidden email account she found weeks

later. Then, the deception. Then, the lies. She hadn't even known

were lies until something triggered the memory. And Mark?

He didn't wait for Jill to come looking for information. He

pushed it to her. He went back to every person he had hurt.

Friends, colleagues, and people from their ministry and asked

each one for forgiveness personally. He called it

cleaning up the mess. And it took at least a year.

trust rebuilding actually looks like. They called it the trust

bucket. When you get married, your trust bucket is full. The

little things can empty out a few drops at a time. But a

betrayal doesn't just spill over a few drops. It dumps the whole

thing out at once. And you can't just fill it back up all at once

with an apology. You refill that trust bucket one drop at a time.

A promise kept. A completely transparent conversation. Maybe

sharing the location data of where you are in real time on

your cell phone. A counseling session. All these things can

begin to refill that trust bucket. Drop by drop. That's

what Proverbs 17.9 is describing. Love prospers when a fault is

forgiven. Not glossed over and not pretended away. but forgiven

and then patiently rebuilt through consistent changed

behavior over time. Mark and Jill now call their marriage

version 2.0. through the same road they walked. They'll be the

first to tell you that rebuilt marriage is something better

than the original. Although, the road to get there cost them both

everything. forgiveness took a moment but trust took years and

love in the end prospered. If you are in the middle of that

road right now here is what I want you to hear. The length of

the process is not evidence that something's wrong. It's evidence

that something real is being rebuilt. Cheap trust isn't worth

much. Trust that is rebuilt drop by drop through humility and

consistency and grace on both sides. Now that trust is

something solid. God is patient with us in our restoration and

he asks us to do the same with one another. Here's today's

challenge. Identify one relationship in your life where

your trust in someone has been damaged. It doesn't have to be a

huge betrayal. It could be a truth that someone left out that

created distance in the relationship. Then, ask yourself

one honest question. Am I contributing to the rebuilding

of this relationship or am I waiting for the other person to

do all the work? one concrete step you can take this week to

add a drop to the trust bucket. If you were hurt, ask him to

give you the grace to stay present in the process without

letting the past become a permanent barrier. Lord,

rebuilding broken trust is hard, slow work and we need your help

to do it right. Give those who cause the hurt the humility to

do what they should in earning the trust back and give those

who were hurt the grace to forgive in layers and the

courage to stay in the process. Thank you for modeling this so

perfectly in how you restore us. Help us extend to others what

you have so freely given to us in Jesus' name. Amen. This

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for your partnership. Thanks for joining me on Daily Devotions

for Busy Lives. Remember, forgiveness is a decision and

trust is rebuilt one drop at a time. With God's grace, both are

possible. Come back next for more encouragement to help you

live grounded in God's truth. Until then, God bless and have a

great day.