Rebuilding Broken Trust
Forgiveness can happen in a moment, but rebuilding trust takes much longer. In this episode, discover the critical difference between the two and what genuine reconciliation actually requires from both people.
Forgiveness can happen in a moment, but rebuilding trust takes much longer. In this episode, discover the critical difference between the two and what genuine reconciliation actually requires from both people.
Most of us know how to say "I'm sorry." Far fewer of us know what comes next.
Whether it's a marriage that absorbed a serious betrayal, a friendship fractured by a broken confidence, or a professional relationship where trust was violated and things have never quite recovered, the road from apology to genuine restored trust is longer and harder than almost anyone expects. And most people quietly give up somewhere in the middle because nobody told them the process was supposed to take this long.
In this episode, we follow the story of Jill and Mark Savage, a couple whose marriage was shattered when Mark looked his wife in the eye and confessed an affair he had no intention of ending. Jill had five kids, a ministry, and a marriage in pieces. What she did next, and what the long, painstaking road to restoration taught them both about forgiveness, trust, and grace, is worth paying close attention to.
Their story surfaces one of the most important distinctions this episode makes: forgiveness and trust are not the same thing. Forgiveness is a decision, a choice made by grace to release someone from the debt they owe you. Trust is something different entirely. It is built through observed behavior over time, earned back one kept promise, one humble conversation, and one consistent action at a time. Confusing the two causes enormous pain, and keeping them separate is not a lack of faith. It is wisdom.
Jill and Mark developed a picture for what the rebuilding process actually looks like. They called it the trust bucket. Betrayal doesn't chip away at trust gradually; it dumps the whole bucket out at once. And you can't refill it with a single apology. It goes back in one drop at a time.
That image lines up precisely with what Proverbs 17:9 describes. Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, not glossed over, not rushed past, but genuinely forgiven and then patiently rebuilt through consistent, changed behavior over time.
If you are in the middle of that road right now, this episode is for you.
BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU'LL DISCOVER:
- Why forgiveness and trust operate on two completely different timelines, and why that distinction matters
- How God models both instant forgiveness and patient, gradual restoration in His relationship with us
- What genuine trust rebuilding requires from both the person who caused the hurt and the person who was hurt
The length of the process is not evidence that something is wrong. It's evidence that something real is being rebuilt. And with God's grace, both forgiveness and restored trust are possible.
Share This Episode:
https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/206
Need Prayer? Leave me a voicemail:
https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/voicemail
Want to keep these devotions coming? Please consider supporting this podcast.
https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/support/
Connect with Bart
Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/dailydevotionsforbusylives
Website: https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com
Feeling spiritually drained? Start here. Download your free copy of my eBook Making Time for Jesus here.
Speak:
Mark looked his wife in the eye and said, I'm having an
Speak:
affair, and I'm not going to stop. Then, he walked out. Joe
Speak:
Savage had five kids in a ministry, and a marriage that
Speak:
had just been blown apart. She could have called a lawyer, and
Speak:
I know a lot of people would have. Instead, she called out to
Speak:
God. Over the following months, Mark ended the affair and moved
Speak:
back in. He said he was sorry, and Jill made one of the hardest
Speak:
decisions a person could make. She chose to forgive him. And
Speak:
here's the part most people don't talk about. That wasn't
Speak:
the hardest part. The hard part came later when she was driving
Speak:
down the road one afternoon, minding her own business, and
Speak:
she passed a hotel. The hotel. And everything came flooding
Speak:
back. We'll come back to what happened next. But first,
Speak:
welcome to Daily Devotions for Busy Lives. I'm Bart Leger, and
Speak:
I've been a pastor for over 40 years. Today, we're talking
Speak:
about something most of us have experienced in one form or
Speak:
another. That is a broken relationship that needs to be
Speak:
rebuilt. Maybe it's a marriage that took a direct hit. Possibly,
Speak:
it's a friendship that was fractured by a serious betrayal.
Speak:
Maybe it's a professional relationship where trust was
Speak:
violated, and things have never been quite the same since.
Speak:
Whatever the situation, most of us know that I'm sorry is not
Speak:
really going to help that much. It's not the finish line. It's
Speak:
more like a starting line. the road from that starting line to
Speak:
genuine, restored trust is longer and harder than almost
Speak:
anyone expects. Here's what Proverbs 17.9 says about it.
Speak:
Now that verse holds a tension worth spending some time with.
Speak:
Love prospers when a fault is forgiven. That's the goal. But
Speak:
notice what it is not saying. It doesn't say, Love prospers the
Speak:
moment a fault is forgiven. That's a process between
Speak:
forgiveness and flourishing. And the process is what we're
Speak:
talking about today. Let's start with something important.
Speak:
Forgiveness and trust are not the same thing. We sometimes
Speak:
treat them as though they are, and that confusion causes a lot
Speak:
of pain. Forgiveness is a decision. It's a choice that you
Speak:
make. By the grace of God, to release someone from the debt
Speak:
they owe you. And believe me, forgiveness is not a feeling.
Speak:
When you forgive someone, it doesn't mean what the other
Speak:
person did was okay or that it wasn't bad. Forgiving someone
Speak:
doesn't mean you pretend it didn't hurt. It means you choose
Speak:
not to hold it over the person any longer. And Scripture is
Speak:
very clear on this matter. We are called to forgive. Ephesians
Speak:
4.32 puts it directly. Forgive one another, just as God through
Speak:
Christ has forgiven you. Now, let's talk about trust. Trust is
Speak:
different from forgiveness. A person can rebuild our trust
Speak:
when their behavior changes consistently over time. The
Speak:
person who wronged can't simply demand that you trust them. It
Speak:
doesn't work that way. You can't rush or fake trust either. It's
Speak:
got to be earned. And the earning happens slowly. It's
Speak:
only rebuilt through consistent action and change that people
Speak:
can see. Forgiving someone doesn't obligate you to
Speak:
immediately trust them again. These are two separate things
Speak:
and it's okay to keep them separate. This is where a lot of
Speak:
people get stuck. They forgive and then they feel guilty when
Speak:
the trust isn't immediately restored. They wonder if their
Speak:
forgiveness was real or if something is spiritually wrong
Speak:
with them. Forgiveness being real and trust taking time are
Speak:
not in conflict with each other. They're simply two different
Speak:
things on two different timelines. Think about how God
Speak:
deals with us. When we come to Him in repentance, He forgives
Speak:
completely and immediately. 1 John 1.9 says, He is faithful
Speak:
and just to forgive us and cleanse us from all
Speak:
unrighteousness. But the restoration of our walk with Him,
Speak:
the rebuilding of intimacy and trust through daily faithfulness
Speak:
and obedience, now that unfolds over time. God models both sides
Speak:
of this. Instant forgiveness and then patient, gradual
Speak:
restoration. rebuilding trust isn't just a one-way street.
Speak:
Both people in the relationship need to work on it. The person
Speak:
who caused the hurt needs to provide more than an apology.
Speak:
Their behavior from this point forward needs to be genuine.
Speak:
What I mean by that is not changing behavior simply to get
Speak:
the other person to trust them. That's transactional. It needs
Speak:
to be done just because it's the right thing to do. Even if the
Speak:
other person isn't fully ready to extend their trust yet.
Speak:
Shortcuts don't work here. And pressure doesn't work. What
Speak:
works is time and consistent action. From the person who is
Speak:
hurt, rebuilding trust requires a willingness to stay present in
Speak:
the process without using the past as a permanent weapon.
Speak:
Proverbs 17.9 is clear. Dwelling on the fault separates close
Speak:
friends. There's a difference between a wound resurfacing
Speak:
honestly and using an old wound as ammunition. One is just part
Speak:
of the healing process. The other is a barrier to it. Both
Speak:
of those things can be true at the same time and navigating the
Speak:
difference honestly is just part of the hard work. Now, let's get
Speak:
back to Jill. One day, she found herself driving by that hotel.
Speak:
It was more than she can handle so she called her counselor. She
Speak:
said, I already forgave him. Why does this keep coming back? Her
Speak:
counselor went on to say something that changed how Jill
Speak:
understood the whole process. She told her, Forgiveness isn't
Speak:
once and done. It's a layered process. Each wound that
Speak:
surfaces requires its own act of release. So, Jill forgave the
Speak:
hotel. Then, she forgave the financial chaos that came about
Speak:
separately. Then, the hidden email account she found weeks
Speak:
later. Then, the deception. Then, the lies. She hadn't even known
Speak:
were lies until something triggered the memory. And Mark?
Speak:
He didn't wait for Jill to come looking for information. He
Speak:
pushed it to her. He went back to every person he had hurt.
Speak:
Friends, colleagues, and people from their ministry and asked
Speak:
each one for forgiveness personally. He called it
Speak:
cleaning up the mess. And it took at least a year.
Speak:
trust rebuilding actually looks like. They called it the trust
Speak:
bucket. When you get married, your trust bucket is full. The
Speak:
little things can empty out a few drops at a time. But a
Speak:
betrayal doesn't just spill over a few drops. It dumps the whole
Speak:
thing out at once. And you can't just fill it back up all at once
Speak:
with an apology. You refill that trust bucket one drop at a time.
Speak:
A promise kept. A completely transparent conversation. Maybe
Speak:
sharing the location data of where you are in real time on
Speak:
your cell phone. A counseling session. All these things can
Speak:
begin to refill that trust bucket. Drop by drop. That's
Speak:
what Proverbs 17.9 is describing. Love prospers when a fault is
Speak:
forgiven. Not glossed over and not pretended away. but forgiven
Speak:
and then patiently rebuilt through consistent changed
Speak:
behavior over time. Mark and Jill now call their marriage
Speak:
version 2.0. through the same road they walked. They'll be the
Speak:
first to tell you that rebuilt marriage is something better
Speak:
than the original. Although, the road to get there cost them both
Speak:
everything. forgiveness took a moment but trust took years and
Speak:
love in the end prospered. If you are in the middle of that
Speak:
road right now here is what I want you to hear. The length of
Speak:
the process is not evidence that something's wrong. It's evidence
Speak:
that something real is being rebuilt. Cheap trust isn't worth
Speak:
much. Trust that is rebuilt drop by drop through humility and
Speak:
consistency and grace on both sides. Now that trust is
Speak:
something solid. God is patient with us in our restoration and
Speak:
he asks us to do the same with one another. Here's today's
Speak:
challenge. Identify one relationship in your life where
Speak:
your trust in someone has been damaged. It doesn't have to be a
Speak:
huge betrayal. It could be a truth that someone left out that
Speak:
created distance in the relationship. Then, ask yourself
Speak:
one honest question. Am I contributing to the rebuilding
Speak:
of this relationship or am I waiting for the other person to
Speak:
do all the work? one concrete step you can take this week to
Speak:
add a drop to the trust bucket. If you were hurt, ask him to
Speak:
give you the grace to stay present in the process without
Speak:
letting the past become a permanent barrier. Lord,
Speak:
rebuilding broken trust is hard, slow work and we need your help
Speak:
to do it right. Give those who cause the hurt the humility to
Speak:
do what they should in earning the trust back and give those
Speak:
who were hurt the grace to forgive in layers and the
Speak:
courage to stay in the process. Thank you for modeling this so
Speak:
perfectly in how you restore us. Help us extend to others what
Speak:
you have so freely given to us in Jesus' name. Amen. This
Speak:
podcast runs on the generosity of listeners just like you. for
Speak:
busy lives has encouraged you or helped you in your daily walk,
Speak:
would you consider supporting it with a one-time gift or becoming
Speak:
a monthly supporter? every contribution helps keep these
Speak:
devotions coming. You can give at
Speak:
dailydevotionsforbusylives.com slash support. I am so grateful
Speak:
for your partnership. Thanks for joining me on Daily Devotions
Speak:
for Busy Lives. Remember, forgiveness is a decision and
Speak:
trust is rebuilt one drop at a time. With God's grace, both are
Speak:
possible. Come back next for more encouragement to help you
Speak:
live grounded in God's truth. Until then, God bless and have a
Speak:
great day.
