When You Don't Fit In at Church

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She sits alone in a church pew surrounded by married

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couples and young families, and she feels invisible. Lisa Harper

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has been honest about what it's like to be a single woman in a

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church world built around couples and families. Those

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around her share milestones she's never experienced. Family

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Sundays and couples' retreats remind her of her singleness,

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and Mother's Day sermons remind her that her life doesn't look

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like what the church brochure seems to expect. She loves Jesus

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and His people, but sometimes the very place that preaches

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belonging feels like the loneliest room she walks into.

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Is she the only one who's ever experienced I don't think so.

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Welcome to Daily Devotions for Busy Lives. I'm Bart Leger, and

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if there's any place that should be warm and welcoming, it would

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be the church, right? Well, at least it should be.

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Unfortunately, that's not everyone's experience. Church is

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supposed to feel like family, but to many, sometimes it feels

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more like a club you weren't invited to. Maybe you're new or

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just a bit different. Maybe you've been hurt by someone

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there. belonging is somehow even more painful. But that's not how

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it should be. The body of Christ was designed to include every

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part, especially those who feel like they don't belong. 1

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Corinthians 12, 18-20 says,

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How strange a body would be if it had only one part. Yes, there

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are many parts, but only one body. God put each part where he

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wants it. And if you've trusted Christ as your Savior and belong

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to the body of Christ, that includes you. Maybe you walk

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into church and feel like everyone else got the memo you

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didn't. They seem to know each other in ways you don't. They

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share an insider language and a lifestyle that you don't. And

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you stand there thinking, maybe I don't belong here. That

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feeling is more common than you might imagine. It's not just the

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new person who feels it. It's the single person in a

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couples-focused church. It's the divorced person who doesn't fit

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the family ministry mold. It's the person with a disability who

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can't access certain programs. Or, as in many older buildings,

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the bathrooms. It's the introvert who struggles with the

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greeting time. Or the person from a different background,

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ethnicity or socioeconomic situation, who looks around and

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doesn't see anyone who looks like them. pain of feeling like

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an outsider in a place that's supposed to welcome everyone can

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be far worse than feeling like an outsider anywhere else.

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Because church is supposed to be home. But here's what Scripture

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tells The body of Christ isn't designed for uniformity. It's

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designed for diversity. Paul's whole point in 1 Corinthians 12

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is that the body needs every kind of part. The eye can't say

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to the hand, I don't need you. The head can't say to the feet,

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I don't need you. In fact, Paul says the parts that seem weakest

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or least important are actually indispensable. That means your

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presence in the body matters, especially when you feel like

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you don't fit. God didn't place you there by accident. He put

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you just where He wants you. Not because you match everyone else,

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but because the body isn't complete without you. Now, that

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doesn't excuse churches that are cliquish or unwelcoming.

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Churches should be working hard to make room for every kind of

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person, whether they're single or married, divorced, widowed,

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young, old, every background, and every story. And if your

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church isn't doing that, it's worth having an honest

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conversation about it. But even in imperfect churches, and by

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the way, they're all imperfect, you can hold on to this truth.

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God has placed you where you are, even if just for a season, and

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the body needs you. Instead of walking away, she stayed. Lisa,

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former director of women's outreach at Focus on the Family,

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eventually adopted a daughter from Haiti as a single mom. She

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now writes and speaks about the importance of churches making

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room for every kind of person. As I said, whether you're single,

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divorced, widowed, or otherwise outside the expected profile,

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she teaches that the body of Christ needs every part, not

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just the ones that match the bulletin cover. If you've ever

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felt like an outsider in your own faith community, I want you

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to hear this. You're not an accident in the body. God placed

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you there on purpose. The church isn't complete without the parts

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that feel like they don't fit. Maybe you've been sitting in the

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back row feeling invisible, or you stopped going altogether

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because the loneliness was just too much. You love Jesus, but

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you're not sure his people have room for someone like you.

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Whether they realize it or not, they do. And even when it

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doesn't feel like it, God has placed you in the body for a

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reason. You bring something no one else can bring. Your story,

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your perspective, and most importantly, your spiritual gift.

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Here's today's challenge. If you've been feeling like an

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outsider at church, do one thing this week to lean in instead of

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pulling away. It might be showing up to a small group, or

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it might be introducing yourself to one person you don't know. It

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might be telling a pastor or a leader, I've been feeling

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disconnected, and I want to find my place. And if you're someone

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who does feel at home in your church, look around this Sunday.

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Is there someone sitting alone? Maybe someone you or who looks

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like they don't quite fit in? I want you to be that person who

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walks over and says, I'm glad you're here. Lord, some of us

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feel invisible in the very place that's supposed to feel like

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home. The loneliness of not fitting in at church is real for

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so many people, and it hurts. Remind us today that you placed

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us in the body on purpose, and we're not accidents. The church

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needs every part, even the ones that feel like they don't belong.

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Help us to lean in, and help our churches to make room for

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everyone. In Jesus' name, amen. If this episode encouraged you,

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would you share it with someone who might be feeling like an

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outsider at church? Just send them the link from the show

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notes. They may need this reminder that they belong in the

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body of Christ. Thanks for joining me on Daily Devotions

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for Busy Lives. Remember, the body of Christ needs every part,

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especially those who don't feel like they fit in. God placed you

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there on purpose, and the church isn't complete without you. Come

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back next time for more encouragement to help you live

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grounded in God's truth. Until then, God bless, and have a

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great day.