What to Do When You Notice You're Becoming Your Parent

Tom spent most of his young life promising himself one

thing. He would never be like his father when it came to anger.

He remembered the yelling, the way the whole house would brace

when his dad came home in a mood, and he swore his own kids would

never feel that. For years, he kept the promise. Then came a

season of too much work and too little sleep. One evening, over

something small, a spilled drink at the table, he lost it. The

words and the edge in his voice came from somewhere he knew too

well.

just shown up in his own kitchen, and he was the one who brought

him there. We'll come back to what Tom did next, but

welcome to Daily Devotions for Busy Lives. I'm Bart Leger. Mine

wasn't a bad one. When our kids were growing up and I was

correcting them, I caught myself one day using the exact words my

dad had used on me. Same phrasing, same order they came

in. That didn't necessarily trouble me. It told me how much

of him I was handing on without ever deciding to. And if the

good ones come through a family that way, so does everything

else. A lot of people spend their twenties determined not to

be their mother or their father. You made a list in your head,

the temper, or the way they handled stress when it piled up

on them. Then, you wake up in your forties and you hear it

coming out of your own mouth. Usually, it's the sound that

gets you, the tone you use, or it could be what you say.

There's a passage in Ezekiel that Israel needed to hear, and

I believe so do you.

There was a proverb going around Israel at the time.

Righteous people will be rewarded for their own righteous

behavior, and wicked people will be punished for their own

wickedness. There was a proverb going around Israel at the time.

The fathers ate sour grapes, and the children's teeth were set on

edge. It was their way of saying, we are paying for what our

parents did, and so what's the use in trying? God answers that

across a whole chapter, and verse 20 is the center of his

answer. Look at where that verse settles. The child will not be

punished for the parents' sins. This is about the record and the

guilt. Whatever your father did, you don't stand before God

holding his account. His sin is his. Yours is yours. Now, the

subject in Ezekiel is guilt. The verse makes no promise that your

mother's temper will stay out of you. Anybody who has heard it

come out of their own mouth already knows better than that.

What the verse gives you is ground to stand on. You're not

under a sentence, and God doesn't look at you and see your

father's file. So the pattern you noticed is a thing to be

worked on. It was never a sentence handed down to you

along with your last name. And here is where God tends to move.

He often interrupts a pattern in a family through the one person

who finally saw it and asked him for help. Somebody in a line has

to be the first one to notice.

So bring what you saw to God. Say it the way it happened. I

heard my mother in me yesterday, and I don't want that for my

kids. Then ask him to make you different. And understand that

he does this work slowly in the moments where it used to happen.

Tom could have brushed it off or told himself it was just a bad

night. Instead, he did the braver thing. He stopped and

admitted what he had seen in himself, and he took it straight

to God. He told God, I'm becoming the thing I hated, and

I can't fix it on my own. He asked God to interrupt the

pattern and make him a different kind of father. The change

didn't come all at but Tom started catching the anger

sooner and leaning on God in the moments he used to lose it. The

legacy that ran through his family didn't have to run

through his kids. Look at what Tom did that most people skip.

He stopped and he looked at it. A bad night is a reasonable

explanation, and it's also the explanation that lets a man do

the same thing again next month. And look at what he asked God

for. He asked him to interrupt the pattern, which is really a

bigger request than asking to feel better about the evening.

Here's today's challenge. Think back to the last time you heard

one of your parents in your own voice and write down what you

heard, the words or the tone, whichever it was. Then take that

one line to God today and ask him to interrupt it. Use Tom's

words if you need them. I am becoming the thing I hated, and

I can't fix it on my you still have kids at home, pay attention

this week to what you're handing them. Some of it you will want

them to have. Some of it you will want to stop with you.

Father, thank you that we don't stand before you holding

somebody else's record. What our parents did is theirs, and what

we do is ours. You have been clear about that. For everybody

listening who caught sight of a mother or father in themselves

this week, give them the nerve to look at it straight and bring

it to you. Interrupt what needs interrupting in these family

lines, and let it stop with the people listening to this right

now. In Jesus' name, amen. If you need prayer today, I'd love

to hear from you. You can leave me a voicemail

dailydevotionsforbusylives.com slash voicemail. I listen to

every single one, and it would be an honor to bring your name

before the Lord. Thanks for joining me on Daily Devotions

for Busy Lives. Remember, you do not stand under your father's

sentence, and the pattern you noticed is something that can be

worked on. Take it to God today. Come back next time for more

encouragement to help you live grounded in God's truth. Until

then, God bless, and have a great day. Thank you.