What it Costs to Stop Gossiping

Erin was out with a friend one evening when the

conversation turned the way it always did. Her friend leaned in.

She had something to share about a woman they both knew. A month

earlier, Erin would have leaned in, too. She would have matched

the story with one of her own. This was how they talked, heads

closed over a table, picking apart someone who wasn't even in

the room. This time, she heard herself say three words she had

never said before, I'd rather not. Her friend blinked, then

The two of them called it a night early, three hours earlier

than they usually would have. Erin went home rattled. She had

kept her mouth shut, and it cost her an evening with someone she

cared about. The truth was, she had made a decision a few weeks

back, and it was pulling her friendships apart. We'll come

back to what Erin had decided, but

first, welcome to Daily Devotions for Busy Lives. I'm

Bart Leger. I hate to admit it, but I've caught myself retelling

something I heard from somebody else without checking whether it

was true. I passed it along without thinking how it might

affect the person being talked about. Reprehensible, right? I

know. And the worst part of it? Getting the facts wrong wasn't

the main problem. I shouldn't have said anything at all, true

or not. Most of us wouldn't call ourselves a gossip. You pass

things along, or you add one detail to a conversation that

was already running. It's harmless, right? But stopping

can cost you something. Some of the people you talk to will

notice, and a few of them might even take it personally. You'll

be the one who stopped playing, and they'll feel judged by that

even if you never said a word about them. Solomon said

something about this. It's in Proverbs. Proverbs 10, 19. Too

much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth

shut. The Hebrew carries a fuller meaning than the English.

Where the words pile up, Solomon says, the transgression does not

cease. It keeps producing. So Solomon points to volume. The

longer your mouth is open, the more of this gets out of it. He

says we're to withhold, to hold back something you could have

handed over. That's the same verb God uses with Abraham on

the mountain when he says, You have not withheld your son from

me. So Solomon picked a word about deliberately keeping back

something you had in your hand, which tells you what restraint

is. You had the story in your hand, and you chose not to share

it. Then look at what Solomon promises the man who does that.

He calls him wise, and that's huge. Solomon didn't guarantee

that anyone would thank you for it. Solomon knew what gossip

does to a friendship, because six chapters later, he writes

that a gossip separates the best of friends. Here's the turn

Aaron found. She quit, and the quitting separated her from

friends, too, which tells you something about what some of

those friendships were built on. It had started with a video.

making the rounds online, a cruel one, mocking a young woman

who had never agreed to be filmed. Aaron watched the

comments pile on, and instead of the usual rush of interest, she

felt sick. In that moment, she made herself a rule. For one

month, she would not gossip about anyone. The month cost her

more than she expected. Some friends felt shut out, like the

ones who ended the night early, rather than trade stories about

someone else. Something else happened also. Her conversations

started turning toward what people were doing with their

lives, rather than what was wrong with them. When someone

tried to hand her gossip about herself, she said, I'm not

giving airtime to this drama. What she learned was simple and

a little uncomfortable. Most of what she had called conversation

had been running other people down. She had just never counted

the cost before. She'll tell you that she slips back into it

every now and then, and unfortunately, she's not quit

for good. But she counts the cost now when she does. I know

it's not a complete success story, but 30 days made her a

woman who knows the price tag. Here's today's challenge. Pick

one week. For seven days, you're out of the business of talking

about people who aren't in the room. Then, pay attention to

what happens to your conversations. Some of them will

get a little shorter. And have your sentence ready before you

need it. Aaron used three simple words. Pick yours this week

before you cross a table from somebody with a story. Father,

Solomon said where the words pile up, the trouble never runs

out. Then, he called holding back wisdom. Thank you that you

counted restraint as wisdom and never as weakness. For everybody

listening who has been handing along what they heard without

weighing it first, give them the catch in the throat before the

sentence gets out. And where the stopping cost us a friendship,

show us what that friendship was running on in the first place.

In Jesus' name, amen. This podcast runs on the generosity

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support. Thank you so much. Thanks for joining me on Daily

Devotions for Busy Lives. Remember, the word Solomon uses

for restraint means withholding something you could have handed

over. Pick your three words this week. Come back next time for

more encouragement to help you live grounded in God's truth.

Until then, God bless and have a great day.