What to Do When You're Angry at Yourself

Trisha Goyer was 15 years old when she made a

decision she could never take back. She got pregnant, and she

chose to have an abortion. For years afterward, the regret

followed her everywhere. It ran in the back of her mind on a

loop, telling her what kind of person she must have been to do

what she did. Then, something changed. Trisha came to know

Jesus. She prayed and confessed it, believing with her whole

heart that God had forgiven her. She knew the verses. She could

have told you that His mercy covers every sin. And she still

couldn't forgive herself. That's the strange part. God's

forgiveness was settled, and the voice in her own head hadn't

gotten the message. She'd wake up, and there it was again, the

reminder of the worst thing she'd ever done. The sense that

a woman with her past had no business being used by God for

anything good. So when Trisha began to sense that God had a

purpose for her life, she felt stuck.

To move forward, she'd have to get past the one voice that had

been running her life for years, the one that kept insisting she

wasn't worthy of the calling. We'll come back to what freed

her. But

first, welcome to Daily Devotions for Busy Lives. I'm

Bart Leger. in your life is the one inside your own head aimed

at you, I want to help you turn it around. I know a little bit

about this from personal experience. I'm a perfectionist,

which sounds like a strength, until you realize what it does

to you on the days you fall short of your own expectations.

And I fall short plenty. And I've lost count of the times

I've smacked myself in the forehead and muttered the word

stupid at myself, as if I really deserved it. It never helped. It

never once made me better at anything. All it did was pour

more anger onto a person God had already forgiven and already

loved. Me. What I slowly learned is that beating myself up like

that is cruelty pointed at someone God loves, and it was

never doing the good I told myself it was doing. Here's what

we're talking about, because it goes beyond simple regret.

Regret says, I wish I hadn't done that. Self-directed anger

goes further. It's a running commentary in your head about

your own stupidity or poor choices. It's the version of

yourself you can't escape, the one who keeps a record of every

and reads it back to you at night. It tends to hit high

performers the hardest, and anyone who was raised to expect

a lot of themselves. You'd never speak to a friend the way you

speak to yourself, because if you did, you wouldn't have that

friend for long. And yet, you let that voice run day after day,

as if punishing yourself for the same thing as taking

responsibility. The Bible shows us a better move, and it comes

from a songwriter who was clearly in a dark place. Instead

of just listening to his own downward spiral, he did

something about it. Listen to Psalm 42, 5.

Catch what he's doing there. He feels the discouragement, and

then he turns around and talks to himself about it. Why am I so

discouraged? He asks his own soul, and then he answers his

own question. Put your hope in God. That's a man catching

himself mid-spiral and pointing his soul in a different

direction on purpose. He preaches to himself instead of

just listening to himself. That's the skill most of us

never learned. When self-anger starts up, we assume we have to

just take it, as if it's telling the truth about who we are. It

isn't. That voice is one voice in your head, and you're allowed

to answer it. You can do exactly what the psalmist did. You can

say to your own soul, Yes, I got that wrong. And no, that does

not make me worthless, because God has already covered it. He's

forgiven it. Here's what I want you to hold on to. God is not

standing over you, demanding that you punish yourself for

what he has already forgiven. When you keep beating yourself

up for sin he's forgiven, you're paying a debt Jesus already paid.

He doesn't want that from you. He wants you to receive what he

did and get up. But finally, freed Trisha was receiving the

forgiveness God had already given her and learning to see

herself the way he saw her, clean and already his. Once she

stopped punishing herself for what God had already forgiven,

her life opened up. She went on to write more than 35 books and

to spend years mentoring pregnant teenagers and teen moms,

the very girl she used to be. The woman who was once too

ashamed to be used by God now tells them the things she

couldn't believe about herself for so long, that God's grace is

bigger than your worst day. Here's today's challenge. The

next time you catch yourself getting angry at yourself,

whether it's the forehead smack or the old record of everything

you've done wrong, stop and do what the psalmist did. Say it

aloud if you have to. Why am I so down on myself right now?

Then answer aloud with the truth. God has already forgiven this,

and I am putting my hope in him. This is you receiving what God

has already done and refusing to keep punishing what he has

already covered. And if there's a particular sin behind the

anger, bring it to God, confess it, and receive his forgiveness.

Then, like Trisha, get up and step into what he has for you.

Father, you know the ones listening who are their own

harshest critic, who have spent years angry themselves for

things you forgave long ago. Thank you that you don't want

them living under a punishment you already took. souls the way

the psalmist did, and to answer the anger with hope in you. Help

them receive the forgiveness that's already theirs, and to

see themselves the way you see them, clean and already yours,

and lift their eyes off their failures and onto you. In Jesus'

name, amen. If this episode encouraged you today, would you

share it with someone who might need to hear it? Just go to

dailydevotionsforbusylives.com slash 279 and copy the link. It

only takes a second, and it might make a real difference in

someone's day. Thanks for joining me on Daily Devotions

for Busy Lives. Remember, that angry voice in your head doesn't

get the last word. You can answer it with the truth and

turn your soul back toward hope in God. Come back next time for

more encouragement to help you live grounded in God's truth.

Until then, God bless and have a great day.