When You Feel Like a Burden to Others
Do you minimize your pain and carry things alone because you don't want to be a burden? In this episode, discover why that belief is not just unhelpful, it's wrong, and how letting others in is exactly what God designed.
She hadn't eaten a real meal in two days. She was sitting in her car in the church parking lot after the service, watching everyone else laugh and make lunch plans. And she thought: I cannot tell any of these people what is happening in my life right now.
Not because they were unkind. Not because they wouldn't care. But because somewhere along the way she had decided that her problems were too heavy to hand to someone else. That asking would be an inconvenience. That needing something from the people around her would be too much.
So she smiled, waved, and drove home alone to an empty refrigerator.
A lot of us live in that parking lot. We carry things quietly, minimize our pain in conversation, and only reach out when things have gotten so bad we have no other option. We tell ourselves it's strength. But most of the time, it's isolation with better posture.
In this episode, we look honestly at the belief that your needs are too much, where it comes from, why it persists, and why Scripture pushes back on it directly. Romans 15:1-2 describes the body of Christ as a community of mutual burden-bearing, where those with capacity in a given season carry for those who don't, and then the season turns. Galatians 6:2 goes further, calling this kind of burden-sharing obedience to the law of Christ. Which means that when you refuse to let anyone in, you are not being noble. You are making it harder for the people around you to do what God has called them to do.
We also look at a Stanford research study that tested exactly what happens when people ask for help. Help-seekers consistently predicted they would inconvenience or annoy the people they asked. They were wrong, consistently and significantly wrong. The people who were asked didn't feel burdened. They felt glad, useful, and genuinely satisfied to be able to show up for someone who needed them.
The story we tell ourselves, that we are too much, that our needs are an imposition, that asking will drive people away, is not just unhelpful. It is measurably, reliably wrong.
Your needs are not an imposition on the body of Christ. They are an invitation for it to be exactly what God designed it to be.
BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU'LL DISCOVER:
- Why carrying things alone is not strength, and what it is actually costing you and the people around you
- How Romans 15:1-2 and Galatians 6:2 reframe asking for help as participation in God's design, not weakness
- What Stanford researchers found when they studied the gap between what we fear will happen when we ask for help and what actually does
You were not designed to fall alone. And the people around you may be waiting for you to give them the chance to show up.
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She hadn't eaten a meal in two days. She was sitting in
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her car in the church parking lot after the service, watching
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everyone else walk to their cars, laughing and making lunch plans,
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looking completely fine. And she thought, I can't tell any of
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these people what's happening in my life right now. I'd love to,
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and I really need something. But she didn't know them, and she
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thought they wouldn't care. She decided that her problems were
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too much to hand to someone else, that asking would be an
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inconvenience, and she didn't like asking for help. So she
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smiled when people passed her window and waved, and she
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started her car and drove home alone to an empty refrigerator.
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Here's the thing about that moment. She had it all backward.
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We'll come back to that kind of thinking in a moment. But
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first, welcome to Daily Devotions for Busy Lives. I'm
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Bart Leger. Today, I want to talk to the person who tries to
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carry things alone. Not because you prefer it that way, but
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because somewhere along the way, you picked up a belief that your
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needs are too much, that asking for help will inconvenience
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people, that if anyone really knew the weight of what you're
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carrying, it would drive them away. So, you minimize it. You
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say you're fine when you're not. You find ways to manage quietly,
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and you only reach out when things have gotten so bad that
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you have no other option. If that describes you, I want to
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speak directly to your belief. That belief is a lie. And it's a
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lie that's keeping you isolated from something God designed
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specifically for you. Here's what Romans 15, verses 1 and 2
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says,
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That passage is describing something mutual. The strong
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bear with the struggles of the weak. Those who have capacity in
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a given moment carry for those who don't. And then, when that
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season turns and it goes the other way, it's not charity.
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It's the body of Christ functioning the way God designed
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it to function. Galatians 6, 2 makes it even more direct. It
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says,
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Burden bearing is not optional in the Christian life. It's
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described as obedience. Which means that when you refuse to
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let anyone carry anything with you, you're not being noble.
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You're actually making it harder for the people around you to
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obey what God has called them to do. I want you to think about
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that for a moment. The person in your life who wants to help you,
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the one you've been protecting or you think you've been
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protecting from your needs, and their ability to fulfill their
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calling as a member of the body of Christ is partly tied to
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whether you let them in. Your willingness to receive is part
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of what makes community work. Now, I understand where the fear
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comes from. For some of us, it was learned early. We asked for
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help and it wasn't there. We were told, either directly or
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indirectly, that our needs were too much, that we were too
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sensitive, or that we should figure it out on our own. When
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we're shut down like that, it hurts. Events like these have a
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way of writing rules we carry into every relationship
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afterward. Rules that say, don't ask, don't be a burden. But
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those rules were written by hurtful experiences, not by God.
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And, to be honest, sometimes by pride. And they're keeping you
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from something He specifically designed for your good.
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Ecclesiastes 4.10 puts it plainly. If one person falls,
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the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is
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in real trouble. You see, you were not designed to fall alone
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when you do fall. Don't try to be the strong one who never asks
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for help. Let people help you. They may be more willing than
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you think. And here's something else worth knowing. The shame of
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needing help is almost always worse than the actual experience
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of asking for it. Most people, when given the chance to show up
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for someone they care about, don't feel inconvenienced. As a
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matter of fact, just the opposite. They probably feel
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honored. They feel useful. Letting someone help you is most
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often a gift you give them. And it's an act of trust that can
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deepen a relationship. So let me tell you what Stanford
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researchers discovered about this kind of thinking. They ran
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a series of experiments where people needed help and had to
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ask for it. From strangers, from acquaintances, and from friends.
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Before each ask, researchers recorded what the help seekers
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predicted would happen. They predicted people would feel put
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out or inconvenienced and maybe even annoyed. But they were
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wrong. Consistently and significantly wrong. The people
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who were asked for help didn't feel burdened. someone who
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needed them. The researchers put it plainly. We almost always
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underestimate how willing the people around us are to help.
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And we almost always underestimate how inconvenienced
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they will feel when we ask. In other words, the story we tell
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ourselves. The one that says we are too much or that our needs
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are an imposition. That asking will drive people away is not
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just unhelpful. It's measurably, reliably wrong. And if that is
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true of strangers and how much more is it true of people who
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love you? People who follow the same Jesus and the people who
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have been called by Scripture to bear your burdens with you. Your
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needs are not an imposition. They are an invitation for the
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body of Christ to be what it was made to be. And the people
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around you may be waiting for you to give them the chance.
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Here's today's challenge. Identify one thing you've been
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carrying alone that you were never meant to carry alone. And
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it doesn't have to be the biggest thing. Just the one real
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thing that you're carrying right now. Then, identify one person
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in your life who would want to know about it. This week, tell
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them. You don't need to prepare a speech. And you don't have to
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try to explain everything at once. Just open the door a
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little and let someone in. That one act of honesty is where
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community begins. Lord, you know how long some of us have been
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carrying things alone. And you know the fear underneath it, the
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old wounds and the belief that our needs are too much. We ask
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that you heal that. Remind us that you designed us for each
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other. That burden-bearing is obedience. And that letting
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someone in is an act of trust. Give us the courage to ask for
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what we need. In Jesus' name, amen. If Daily Devotions for
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Busy Lives has encouraged you, I'd love to pray for you.
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Whatever you're carrying right now, you can leave me a
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voicemail at dailydevotionsforbusylives.com
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slash voicemail. I listen to every single one, and I would be
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honored to bring your name before the Lord. Thanks for
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joining me on Daily Devotions for Busy Lives. Remember, your
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needs are not an imposition. They are an invitation for the
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body of Christ to be exactly what God designed it to be. Come
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back next time for more encouragement to help you live
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grounded in God's truth. Until then, God bless, and have a
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great day.
