What to Do When You're Tempted to Check Up on an Ex

For three years, Lenny tried to move on. She and

this man had been together seven years before it ended, and even

after all that time apart, she couldn't fully let him go. She

threw herself into work and read her Bible, and she did

everything she could think of to forget him, and still, part of

her kept wondering what would happen if she just reached out.

One more conversation, one more chance. So, one day, she did.

She sent him a message, hoping to reconnect, hoping that the

door might still be open. Then, she waited for his reply. But

first, welcome to Daily Devotions for Busy Lives. I'm

Bart Leger. Let me tell you about a closed door of my own. I

used to be a trainer for Ministry of K-Love Radio, and it

was awesome. I got to travel the country and meet some great

people. And then, they shut down the division I was part of. It

was over. And for a good while after, I kept looking back at

And I have to admit, I still miss it. And I grew to resent

those who made that decision to shutter that ministry. You know,

nothing about that looking back was helping me. It just kept me

standing in a doorway God had already shut with my back to

whatever he had next. It took me longer than I'd like to to stop

peeking through that keyhole and turn around. Maybe your closed

door has a face. Years after a relationship ended, and you

still find yourself tempted to look. You scroll the profile at

midnight. You ask a mutual friend how they're doing. Like,

it's just curiosity. Each little check feels harmless. And it

isn't. But every time you go back to look, you pull the scab

off a wound that was trying to heal. And you plant yourself

again in a place God already led you out of, possibly. The

apostle Paul knew the pull to live in the past, and he made a

decision about it. Listen to Philippians 3, 13 and 14. No,

dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it. But I

focus on this one thing. Forgetting the past and looking

forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the

race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through

Christ Jesus, is calling us. One thing, Paul says, forgetting

what's behind and straining toward what's ahead. When Paul

says forgetting, he means he refused to keep living in what

was behind him. Oh, his memory still worked. He just stopped

going back to camp there. He faced forward and ran. That's

the choice in front of you when you're tempted to check up on an

ex. Going back to look feels like it will bring relief, maybe

a little hint of connection, some sense of closure. But it

rarely delivers. It just reopens the thing and leaves you

standing in the past while your life waits up ahead. Here's what

might help. Some of the doors in your life. God closed on purpose,

and he closed them for you. That ended relationship you keep

revisiting may be an exit he walked you through.

you're arguing with the decision he made for your good. The

relief you're aching for was never behind that door. You'll

find it on the other side of putting the phone down and

letting the past stay in the past. That's what Lenny had to

learn. He was already with someone else. Within a few

months, he married her. Lenny fell apart. She spent seven days

crying and rereading their old messages, going over every word,

trying to make sense of it. She was doing what a lot of us do,

with a closed door, standing in front of it, knocking, when God

had already moved her down the hallway. Her turn came through a

sermon. pastor preached on the moment in Genesis where God

calls out to a hiding Adam. Where are you? Lenny realized

she had been hiding too, trying to fix her heartbreak on her own

instead of bringing it to God. So, she stopped hiding. She was

honest with God about her fear and her loss, and slowly, He did

what she could not do for herself. She let the man go. In

time, she could even pray for his marriage. She stopped

standing at the closed door and knocking, and she turned around

to find God in the hallway. That's what's waiting for you

when you stop going back. Freedom you can't get any other

way, and a God who'd been down the hall the whole time, waiting

for you to catch up where He already is. Here's today's

challenge. Name the door you keep going back to check. And

today? Just don't. Not once. If it's a profile, unfollow it or

mute it until it stops appearing in your feed. decide ahead of

time what you'll say instead of when the urge hits. Then, every

time you feel the pull to look back, turn it into a prayer.

Father, God, you closed this. Help me to face forward. You get

to keep the memory and still refuse to keep living there.

Father, some of us keep looking back to a door you've already

closed, and we can't seem to stop looking. Thank you that you

closed some doors out of love to move us toward something better.

you have ahead. Where we've been standing in the past, come and

lead us down the hall. Help us press on. In Jesus' name, amen.

If you need prayer today, I'd love to hear from you. You can

leave me a voicemail at dailydevotionsforbusylives.com

I listen to every single one, and it would be an honor to

bring your name before the Lord. Thanks for joining me on Daily

Devotions for Busy Lives. Remember, some doors God closes

for your good, and the relief you're looking for is on the far

side of putting the phone down and letting the past stay in the

past. Come back next time for more encouragement to help you

live grounded in God's truth. Until then, God bless, and have

a great day.