How to Say No Without Feeling Like You're Letting God Down

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Deborah was a working mom of four with a full-time job

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in higher education, and on top of all her aging parents needed

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her too. Her husband and her kids needed her at home, and her

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faith mattered to her. So when her church asked her to step

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into a ministry during the pandemic, she said yes the way

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she'd always said yes. It started small, WhatsApp prayer

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group for the women in her church. It was a place to check

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in, share a verse, and send a little encouragement here and

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there. But within a few months, that group had grown to 77 women.

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They wanted nightly devotions and prayer emojis on every post,

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plus Zoom calls twice a week. And Deborah kept showing up

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because that's what you do when it's church, right? That's what

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you do when people are hurting and the work is for the Lord. So

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the messages kept coming and the expectations just never let up.

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But here's the thing: Deborah wasn't a pastor and there was no

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sabbatical waiting for her, no denomination tracking her health,

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she was just a mom with a job and a phone full of women who

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needed her. And one day, she finally admitted something she

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wasn't even sure she was allowed to say. We'll come back to what

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Deborah said. But first,

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welcome to Daily Devotions for Busy Lives. I'm Bart Leger. If I

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want to talk about something a lot of believers carry around,

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but rarely name out loud. It's that low-grade guilt that creeps

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in every time we say "no." You know how it goes. The request

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comes in and the person asking you really does sound like they

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need you. The cause is good. So when you turn it down, even when

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you have a legitimate reason, something twists in your stomach.

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You start to wonder if you let them down. And you wonder if you

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let God down. I've been there myself. There were times in

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pastoring when somebody asked me for something on a Saturday

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afternoon, I knew if I said yes, I'd be running on fumes by

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Monday. But I said yes anyway, because turning it down felt

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selfish, and by Tuesday, I wasn't much good to anyone else,

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including the person I'd said yes to. This is what I learned

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the hard way. A life with no limits can't be sustained, and

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God never asked you to carry all of it. Listen to what Jesus does

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in Mark 1: 35-38: Before daybreak the next morning, Jesus

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got up and went out to an isolated place to pray. Later,

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Simon and the others went out to find Him. When they found Him,

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they said, "Everyone is looking for you." But Jesus replied, "We

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must go on to other small towns as well, and I will preach to

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them too. That is why I came." The whole town was at the door

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the night before, full of sick people and hurting people who

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hadn't slept in days. So the disciples come to find Jesus the

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next morning with what they think is good news: "Everyone's

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looking for you." And Jesus says, "No." He doesn't go back. He

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moves on to the next town. The need in Capernaum wasn't

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finished. There were still people there who hadn't been

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touched, still people who hadn't been healed. And Jesus knew all

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of that, and He still said it was time to go somewhere else.

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Think about that. If anyone could have justified saying yes

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to every need, it was Him. He had the power, He had the

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compassion, and yet He still drew a line. That tells me

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something I needed to hear, and I think you need to hear it too.

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Saying no doesn't mean Jesus didn't love people enough to

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help them. He loved the people of Capernaum. He just knew He

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wasn't sent only to And the same is true for you. You're not the

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last line of defense, and the church doesn't rise or fall on

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your "yes." Let me give you three things that might help.

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The first one is to get clear on what God has called you to. Most

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of the guilt around saying no comes from confusing every need

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we see with every need we're supposed to meet. A need is not

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always a call. The fact that someone is asking doesn't mean

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God is asking.

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Once you have some clarity on what He's put in front of you in

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this stretch of life,

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The second one is to practice it saying kindly and plainly.

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You don't owe a paragraph of explanation: "I'm not able to

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take that on right now" is a complete sentence. The longer

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the explanation, the more it sounds like an apology or an

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excuse, and the more guilt creeps back in. Be gracious and

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brief and then move on. And the third is this: When the guilt

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does come, take it to God, tell Him what you said no to and why,

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and then let Him examine your heart. If He shows you something

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you should have done, deal with it. And if He doesn't, accept

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that the discomfort you're feeling is not the same as

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conviction. Guilt and the Holy Spirit are not always the same

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voice. Now, let's get back to Deborah. So Deborah finally said

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it. She was emotionally and mentally exhausted. She was

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burned out from serving in her own church. And when she sat

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down later to write about it, she said something I think a lot

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of us need to hear. She'd been carrying a weight God never

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asked her to carry. The path forward was learning to say no

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without guilt, and trusting that God would take care of His

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church without her constant yes. So, she stepped back. And you

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know what? The world didn't end. In fact, she started to see that

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letting people say no is part of how a healthy church works in

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the first place. Here's today's challenge. Think of one thing

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you said yes to recently that you know in your gut should have

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been a no. Take it to God today and ask Him for the courage to

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revisit it, even if you'd rather not. And going forward, give

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yourself permission to use the same word Jesus used: "no is not

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a sin." Plenty of faithful believers have used it,

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including Jesus Himself. Lord, You showed us that even You drew

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lines and walked away from needs You didn't say yes to. Help us

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to trust that we are not Your only plan. Free us from the

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guilt that comes from saying no to good things so we can say yes

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to the right things. Give us the discernment to know the

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difference and the peace to live it. In Jesus' name. Amen. This

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for joining me on Daily Devotions for Busy Lives.

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Remember, you weren't built to carry everything, and God never

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asked you to. Come back next time for more encouragement to

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help you live grounded in God's truth. Until then, God bless and

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have a great day.