What to Do With the Life You Didn't Plan For
Most of us carry a picture of what our lives were supposed to look like by now. In this episode, discover why the gap between that picture and your life produces grief worth naming, and why God's plan fits better than the one you drew up.
Most of us carry a picture of what our lives were supposed to look like by now. In this episode, discover why the gap between that picture and your life produces grief worth naming, and why God's plan fits better than the one you drew up.
Paul Helsby had been the one who fixed things his whole life. He stepped up at 11 when his father wasn't around and his mother was disabled. He ran the household and made sure his younger siblings were fed, and he kept moving. He built a business in Barnsley, England with his wife Sam, and that same identity followed him through every year of it.
Then he had a stroke. The business closed. The debt piled up. They borrowed from their own children and eventually handed back their phones and cars. A food pantry got them through the week.
The life Paul had built didn't survive the stroke. But something else came through on the other side.
Most of us carry a picture of what our lives were supposed to look like by now. The marriage we expected, the career we planned. And when the life we're living doesn't match that picture, there's grief in the gap. This episode takes that grief seriously before it does anything else.
Proverbs 16:1 says we can make our own plans, but the Lord gives the right answer. The word translated "right answer" means the fitting response, the answer that suits the moment. God's plan fits better than the one we drew up, even when it's painful to receive it.
This episode also includes something personal. Growing up, I had one plan: join the Navy or the Air Force and fly a fighter jet. I'd been flying with friends, loved every minute of it, and was ready to start lessons when I found out I'm colorblind. That door closed completely. Years later, a church member who was a commercial pilot began teaching me to fly unofficially. By the time we were done, I could do everything but solo. God redirected the dream through a different door than the one I'd planned.
Through Paul's story and Proverbs 16:1, this episode makes the case that grieving the life you didn't get to have is necessary before you can fully receive the life you're in. Bypassing the grief buries it. Naming it out loud to God does something that keeping it inside can't.
BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU'LL DISCOVER:
- Why the gap between the life you planned and the life you're living produces grief, and why naming it matters before moving on
- What Proverbs 16:1 reveals about God's plan and why it fits better than the one you drew up, even when you can't see that yet
- One specific prayer you can bring to God today to begin receiving the life you're actually in
God's plan was never going to match the one you drew up for yourself. But His is better.
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Paul Hellsby had been carrying other people's weight
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since he was eleven. His father wasn't around, and his mother
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was disabled, so when his older sister went into care that same
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year, Paul stepped in. He made sure the shopping got done, and
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his younger brother and sister were fed and clothed. School was
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the one place where he could just be a kid. Every other hour
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belonged to someone else. He handled problems and kept moving,
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and by his own description, he was one of those people who
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fixes everything. He built a business with his wife Sam in
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Barnsley, England, and that identity followed him every year
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of it. Then he had a stroke. His lips went numb, and when his
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wife Sam turned around, she saw the right side of his face had
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started drooping.
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is still a blur. Ultimately, the business had to close, and debt
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started mounting, and they ended up borrowing from their own
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children and handing back their phones and cars. A food pantry
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got them through the week.
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devotions for busy lives. I'm Bart Leger. When I was a
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teenager, I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life.
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Flying had gotten hold of me. I flew regularly with friends who
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had their and I loved every minute of it. My plan was to
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join the Navy or the Air Force and fly a fighter jet. I was
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ready to begin taking lessons when I found out I'm colorblind.
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I couldn't qualify to fly anything, much less a jet. That
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door closed completely, and I had to figure out what came next.
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was that God wasn't done with the flying. Years later, a
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church member, a commercial pilot who owned his own plane,
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began teaching me to fly. By the time we were done, I could do
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everything but solo. God directed the dream through a
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different door than the one I had planned. And that's what
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today's episode is about. Most of us carry a picture of what
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our lives were supposed to look like by now. The marriage you
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expected. The career you planned. That version of yourself you
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thought you'd be at this age. And when the life you're doesn't
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match that picture, we can begin to grieve our perceived loss.
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Before you can move forward, you've got to name it. You can't
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resolve what you haven't acknowledged. Here's what
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1 says about our plans. We can make our own plans,
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but the Lord gives the right answer. That verse takes
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planning seriously. It says God determines the outcome. The word
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translated "right answer" there means the fitting response, the
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answer that suits the moment. What God gives is more fitting
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than what we planned even when we can't see that yet. gap
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between your plan and your life can feel like a loss of control.
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You did everything right and the diagnosis came anyway. You did
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everything you could and the marriage still ended.
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The life you're in didn't arrive the way you ordered it. we make
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them from a limited vantage point. We know what we want and
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what we think we need – and we draw the map accordingly. And
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knows what the plan would cost you. He knows what this plan
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would cost you. And he knows what this plan is building in
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you. And boy, can that loss hurt. Grieving the life you didn't get
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to have is legitimate and you need to own it before you can
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fully embrace the life you're in. Ignoring our perceived loss
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won't resolve anything. What helps is bringing the grief to
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God and naming what you've lost. Make that prayer specific –
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the thing you thought would happen by now but didn't. The
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door that closed. Tell God what it feels like to lose the future
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you wanted. Because he already knows. But saying it out loud
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does something that keeping it to yourself can't. Now, let's
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get back to Paul. Paul said later that the stroke was God's
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way of showing him what he had been doing for handling
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everything on his own while slowly shutting God out. He had
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been praying and reading scripture occasionally, but
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mostly just existing. And when the crisis hit, he finally
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stopped and asked for help he had never asked for before. What
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came on the other side wasn't the life he had planned. He came
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through the debt, through bankruptcy, and through the
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hardest stretch of his marriage. And he came out of it with a
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faith that had been tested in the one area where he had spent
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47 years refusing to need anyone. He said he saw his church family
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and his own family pray for him and it strengthened him in a way
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that all his self-reliance never had. Paul got something he
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couldn't have planned
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a faith that went somewhere his self-sufficiency never could.
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Here's today's challenge: Name the one thing you're grieving in
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the space between the life you planned and the life you're in.
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And write it down if you can, then bring it to God
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specifically. Tell him what you lost and that you're choosing to
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trust his route even though you can't see it yet. That's trust.
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And it's the beginning of receiving what he's got for you.
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Lord, you know the picture each of us had for our lives and you
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know how far the life we're living is from the picture we
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had for ourselves. We need us in that gap and give us the courage
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to grieve what we've lost and the grace to receive what you
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have for us. Help us to trust your answer is more fitting than
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the one we planned. In Jesus' name, Amen. If this podcast has
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been an encouragement to you, would you consider supporting it
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with a one-time gift or, better yet, by becoming a monthly
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supporter, you can give at
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dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/support . I thank you. And thanks for
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joining me on Daily Devotions for Busy Lives. Remember, God's
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plan was never going to match the one you drew up for yourself.
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But His is better. Come back next time for more encouragement
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to help you live grounded in God's truth. Until then, God
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bless and have a great day.
