How to Tell the Truth When You Know It's Going to Cost You
Telling the truth comes with a price. So we soften it or skip it. In this episode, discover what Ephesians 4:15 asks of us, and what a relationship built on comfortable half-truths actually costs.
Telling the truth comes with a price. So we soften it or skip it. In this episode, discover what Ephesians 4:15 asks of us, and what a relationship built on comfortable half-truths actually costs.
Kristina had spent her university years in New Zealand building an image she was proud of. She was a dancer and a performer who got high grades. She knew exactly how to look like she had it together, and she would have told you plainly she wasn't someone who needed to be fixed.
When a friend named Michelle kept inviting her to a young adults group, she said no for years. She finally showed up one Thursday, more to end the conversation than because she wanted to be there. A girl sat across from her and told her the truth about Jesus.
Kristina was furious.
Most of us know what it feels like to avoid a conversation we'd rather not have. We soften the truth or skip it altogether. We call it being considerate. Sometimes it is. But sometimes we're just protecting ourselves while the person in front of us goes without what they needed.
This episode looks at both sides of that. There's the person who needs the courage to speak. There's also the person on the receiving end who may not want to hear it. Kristina's story sits on both sides of that line. She didn't want to hear what the girl said. And the girl had to say it anyway.
Ephesians 4:15 gives us the standard: speak the truth in love. Paul connects it directly to becoming more like Christ. That phrase has 2 parts, and we tend to collapse it into one. Some of us are good at the truth part but skip the love, and what lands is a lecture. Others are good at the love part but soften the truth until it says nothing, and the person walks away unchanged. What Paul is describing is both at once, truth that tells the person you care about them enough to say it.
I've hesitated to tell someone the truth more than once. I knew what they needed to hear, and I knew saying it would cost me something, so I let the moment pass. Looking back, that was about my comfort more than their good.
Through Kristina's story and Ephesians 4:15, this episode takes a close look at what it costs to be a person who tells the truth, and what it costs everyone when we don't.
BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU'LL DISCOVER:
- Why speaking the truth and speaking it in love are 2 separate skills that both require something from you
- What Ephesians 4:15 reveals about the connection between telling the truth and becoming more like Christ
- One specific step you can take this week to say something you've been putting off
Speaking the truth in love costs something. But a relationship built on comfortable half-truths doesn't go anywhere worth going.
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A young woman in New Zealand named Christina had
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spent her whole university life building an image she was proud
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of. She was a dancer and a performer who got high grades
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and knew exactly how to look like she had it all together.
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She wasn't someone who needed fixing, and she would have told
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you that very plainly. When her friend Michelle kept inviting
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her to a young adults group, she said no for years. Study,
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practice, and anything else. But she finally agreed to go one
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Thursday, more to end the conversation than because she
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wanted to be there. At the event, a girl sat across from her and
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shared her story. Christina had never heard anything like it,
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and she didn't understand most of it. But the part that got her
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was this. The girl had once felt as lost on the inside as
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Christina And now she had peace. Christina couldn't stop thinking
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about it. A few days later, that same girl sat down with
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Christina and shared the gospel. She explained that everyone is a
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sinner, and that there's nothing you can do to earn your way to
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God. Jesus is the only way through. And Christina needed to
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hear that. Christina became furious. We'll come back to what
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happened over the months that followed. But
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first, welcome to Daily Devotions for Busy Lives. I'm
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Bart Leger. And I'll be up front with you. There have been times
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in my own life when I hesitated to tell someone an uncomfortable
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truth. I knew what they needed to hear. And I knew it would
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cost me something to say it. So I found a way around it. Or
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sometimes I just let the moment pass. I told myself it wasn't
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the right time. But looking back, I know it was probably more
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about my comfort than theirs. Most of us learned early that
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telling the truth comes with a price. So we soften it. Or we
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skip it altogether. We call it being considerate. But sometimes
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we're just protecting ourselves from an uncomfortable
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conversation while the person in front of us goes without what
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they needed to hear from us. Here's what the Apostle Paul
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says about it in Ephesians 4, 15. Instead, we will speak the truth
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in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who
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is the head of his body, the church. That phrase, speaking
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the truth in love, has two parts that both require something from
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us. And we tend to collapse it into one. Some of us are
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comfortable with the truth part. We'll tell it to you straight
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and call it a favor. But we skip the love part. And what lands is
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something closer to a lecture than a gift. The person walks
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away feeling corrected but not cared for. And I think Paul is
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describing something different. And then others of us are
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comfortable with the love part. We care about the person. So
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what we do is we soften the truth until we're really not
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saying anything. We talk around the thing that needs to be said.
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So the relationship stays comfortable and the person walks
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away unchanged. And Paul is describing, I think, something
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more complicated, something harder, more difficult to do
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than that. What he's describing is both at once. Truth that
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tells the person you care about them enough to say it. The
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combination is harder than either one alone. It requires
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you to know what's true and to care enough about that person to
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say it in a way that they can receive. A relationship built on
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comfortable half-truths doesn't go anywhere. The friendship
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stays surface level or the marriage stays guarded. Truth is
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what gives a relationship its depth. When you tell someone
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something they didn't want to hear and you do it with care and
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love, you're telling them they're worth the discomfort.
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And that's a form of love. Notice what Paul connects the
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phrase to. Growing more and more like Christ. Speaking the truth
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in love is how we become more like Jesus. He never softened
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truth to spare people's feelings. And he never delivered it
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without caring for the person he was speaking to. Both things
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together every time. Now, let's get back to Christina. Christina
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told herself she was never going back. For six months, she kept
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showing up, getting angry, getting confused, and coming
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back again. Something had taken hold in her that she couldn't
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explain, and she couldn't shake. Eventually, alone outside under
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the stars one night, she asked God to prove himself. He did. A
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few weeks later, on the bathroom floor, she gave her life to
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Christ. The girl who told her the truth had no way of knowing
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any of that would happen. She just knew what was true and said
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it, clearly without softening it, to someone who didn't want to
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hear it. And that took courage. That's what Ephesians 4.15 is
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asking of us. Speak the truth in love. Both parts cost something.
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The truth cost you the comfort of staying quiet. The love cost
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you the ease of saying it bluntly and just walking away.
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Together, they cost you something worth paying. Here's
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today's challenge. Think of one person in your life who needs to
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hear something true from you. You've been putting it off,
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maybe for a long time. Before the end of this week, find a
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moment to say it. Pray before you open your mouth. Ask God to
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give you the right words and the right spirit going in. Then, say
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the thing. You're not responsible for how they receive
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it. You're just responsible for saying it with truth and with
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love. Lord, give us the courage to say what needs to be said and
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the love to say it well. Forgive us for the times we stayed quiet
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when someone needed us to speak and help us to grow into the
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kind of people who can hold truth and love together in the
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same conversation. Make us more like Jesus in this. In Jesus'
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amen. If this episode encouraged you today, I'd love to hear from
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you. You can leave me a voicemail at
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dailydevotionsforbusylives.com
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It would be an honor to pray for you by name. Thanks for joining
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me on Daily Devotions for Busy Lives. Remember, speaking the
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truth in love costs but it's worth Come back next time for
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more encouragement to help you live grounded in God's truth.
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Until then, God bless and have a great day.
