When Everyone Leans on You and Nobody Asks How You're Doing
There's a loneliness that comes with being the person everyone leans on. In this episode, discover what God said to Moses when he hit his limit, and why the load He designed for you was never meant to be carried alone.
There's a loneliness that comes with being the person everyone leans on. In this episode, discover what God said to Moses when he hit his limit, and why the load He designed for you was never meant to be carried alone.
In 2022, 65 percent of American pastors reported regular feelings of loneliness and isolation. That was up from 42 percent in 2015, meaning the share of pastors describing themselves as lonely had grown by more than half in roughly 7 years. Among pastors who felt lonely, 26 percent had experienced thoughts of self-harm. Among pastors who felt connected and supported, that number dropped to nearly zero.
Most of those lonely pastors had never told a single person.
The people in their pews had no idea. They brought their prayer requests on Sunday morning and leaned on their pastor through the painful things in their own lives, and assumed he was fine because he always seemed fine. He was the one you called. That's just who he was.
This episode is for the person who is always the one everyone leans on and nobody ever asks how they're doing. It's also for the person who is leaning on someone and has never thought to ask.
Being the person everyone depends on comes with its own kind of loneliness. You're surrounded by people. They trust you and need you. You make the calls and absorb the weight of the decisions. You show up no matter what. And nobody asks.
Moses felt every bit of this. In Numbers 11, he had been leading an entire nation through the wilderness and something in him broke. He told God he'd rather die than keep going. God didn't rebuke him for it. He looked at what Moses was carrying and gave him 70 people to share the load. God's response to exhaustion was community, more people to carry it with him.
This episode also includes something personal. There have been decisions I had to make in my ministry that I knew wouldn't be popular. There were seasons I was close to handing in my resignation. What kept me going, more than anything, was 2 or 3 other leaders I could call when I needed to talk. Just to say it out loud to someone who understood. Those relationships have been the difference more than once.
Through the Barna data and Numbers 11, this episode makes the case that the load God designed for you was never meant to be carried alone. The provision is there. But you have to be willing to ask for it.
BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU'LL DISCOVER:
- Why the loneliness of being the person everyone depends on is its own kind of isolation, and why it tends to stay hidden
- What God's response to Moses's exhaustion in Numbers 11 reveals about how He provides for leaders who are carrying too much
- 2 concrete challenges, one for the person everyone leans on, and one for the person doing the leaning
The load God designed for you was never meant to be carried alone. He provides for it. But someone has to ask.
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A few years ago, the Barna Group began tracking the
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state of American pastors, and a study released in January of
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2026 told a story nobody was expecting. Barna had been
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tracking pastoral health for almost a decade by that point,
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looking at loneliness and burnout risk, at whether pastors
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had anyone in their corner. What they found was a picture that
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looked very different from the one most people in the pews had
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in their minds.
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feelings of loneliness and isolation. That number had been
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42% back in 2015. So, in roughly seven years, the percentage of
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pastors describing themselves as lonely had grown by more than
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half. And here's the part that hit the hardest. Among pastors
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who reported feeling lonely, 26% had experienced thoughts of
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self-harm. Among pastors who felt connected and supported,
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that number dropped to nearly zero. Most of those lonely
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pastors had never told a single We'll come back to what the
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study tells us in a moment. But
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first, welcome to Daily Devotions for Busy Lives. I'm
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Bart Leger. I want to talk to two groups of people today. The
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first is the person everyone leans on and nobody ever asks
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how they're doing. The second is the person who is leaning on
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someone and has never thought to ask. Both of you are in this
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episode. I've been in the first group for most of my ministry.
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There have been decisions I had to make that I knew wouldn't be
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popular, decisions that cost relationships, and created
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frictions I had to carry alone. There were seasons I was close
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to handing in my resignation because the weight of leading a
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local church was more than I thought I could take. I know
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what it feels like to carry things you can't share and hold
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yourself together for the sake of everyone else in the room.
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What kept me going more than anything else was two or three
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other leaders I've been able to call when I just needed to talk.
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Just say it out loud to someone who understood. Those
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relationships have kept me going more than once. And that's what
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today is about. The loneliness of being the person everyone
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leans on is its own kind of loneliness. You're surrounded by
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people and they trust you, they need you, and they come to you
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with the most important things in their lives, and you carry
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those things with you. You make the calls and absorb the weight
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of the decisions, and you show up on Sunday morning no matter
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what happened the night before. And nobody asks. Moses felt
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every bit of this. In Numbers 11, he had been leading an entire
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nation through the wilderness, and the people were complaining
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again, and something in him broke. Here's what he said to
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God in Numbers 11, 14, and 15. I can't carry all these people by
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myself. The load is far too heavy. If this is how you intend
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to treat me, just go ahead and kill me. Do me a favor and spare
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me this misery. Moses told God he'd rather die than keep going.
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That's a man who had been carrying way too much, far too
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long, and finally he said what was on his mind, what he was
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really feeling. And here's what God did with that. He didn't
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rebuke him, and he didn't give Moses a theology lecture about
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perseverance. He looked at what Moses was carrying and gave him
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70 people to share the load. Numbers 11, 17 God would put his
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spirit on those 70, and they would bear the burden of the
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people along with Moses, so he would not have to carry it all
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alone. God's response to Moses' exhaustion was community, more
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people to share the load. And that's what God still does in
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our lives. But someone has to ask for it, and that's where a
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lot of leaders get stuck. We've spent so long being the one with
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the answers that asking for help feels like a confession of
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inadequacy.
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And that's a trap. The load God designed for you was never meant
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to be carried alone. Elijah collapsed under a tree in 1
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Kings 19 after his greatest ministry victory, and God sent
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an angel to bring him food and water and let him sleep. He
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didn't tell Elijah to get back up and keep moving. He let him
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rest. Then he spoke to him on a mountain and gave him a
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companion, Elisha, to carry the work forward with him. God
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consistently provides companions for those who are carrying too
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much. The provision is there, but you have to be willing to
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receive it. Now, let's get back to the study. The people in
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those pastor's pews had no idea. They brought their prayer
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requests on Sunday morning and called with their problems
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during the week. They leaned on their pastor through the painful
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things in their own lives and assumed he was fine because he
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always seemed fine. He was the one you called. That's just who
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he was. Numbers 11 tells us that Moses carried that same weight
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on his shoulders. He had been carrying an entire nation and he
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was done. And he told God plainly, I can't do this anymore.
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And God didn't rebuke him for it. He looked at what Moses was
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carrying and gave him 70 people to share the load. And that's
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what God still does with the people who are carrying too much
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in silence. He sees it and he provides for it. But someone
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somewhere has to ask. If you're the one everyone leans on,
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here's the challenge. Name one person this week you could be
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honest with. It may be a pastor or a friend who's carried their
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own share of weight. You don't have to explain everything. Just
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say it out loud. I've been carrying something and I could
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use someone to talk to. That's where your 70 starts. It may not
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be 70, but as long as it's one or two, that's what you could
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use. And if you're the one who leans, here's yours. Think of
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the person in your life who is always the one others call and
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ask them how they are. Then wait.
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Lord, you see the ones carrying loads they were never meant to
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carry alone. And you know the weight of it. Meet them where
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you met Moses, in the place where there's nothing left to
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pretend with. Give them the courage to ask, just like Moses
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asked. Give them people willing to share the load. And let them
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trust that you are not disappointed in their exhaustion.
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You already knew. In Jesus' name. Amen. If Daily Devotions for
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Busy Lives has encouraged you, would you take a minute and
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leave a rating and review? It helps more people find these
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devotions and it only takes a moment. I'd be so grateful. And
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thanks for joining me on Daily Devotions for Busy Lives.
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Remember, the load God designed for you was never meant to be
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carried alone. God provides for it, but you have to ask. Come
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back next time for more encouragement to help you live
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grounded in God's truth. Until then, God bless and have a great
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day.
