What to Do When Fear Keeps You From Speaking Up
Key Takeaways
- Fear often keeps us from speaking up because we care about saying the right thing, but research shows we consistently overestimate how badly our words will be received.
- Social psychologist Vanessa Bohns at Cornell University studies the moments we decide to speak and has found that we routinely underestimate the positive impact of sharing encouragement or truth.
- In 2 Timothy 1:7, the verse about not having a spirit of fear is framed by instructions to fan into flames spiritual gifts and to boldly share the gospel, proving it addresses the hesitation to speak.
- The Greek word sophronismos, translated as a sound mind or governed mind, appears only once in the New Testament and directly counters the fear of picking the wrong words.
- Research indicates that asking face-to-face beats email and written communication by a wide margin, proving that in-person conversations land much better than we anticipate.
- The practical challenge for listeners is to identify one name and one message they have been putting off, and to speak it kindly in person this week without waiting until morning.
You're afraid of saying it wrong, so you say nothing. Learn what verses 6 and 8 do to 2 Timothy 1:7, and the Greek word Paul uses only once.
Most Christians have a moment they can point to. The conversation at work where you had something to say and let it pass. The encouragement you composed in your head and never delivered. And here's the fear that usually wins. You're afraid of botching it, of picking the wrong words and making the moment worse than the silence was. That comes from caring, by the way. You care enough to run the odds, and the odds come back bad every time.
This episode opens with Vanessa Bohns, a social psychologist at Cornell who studies the moment we decide whether to speak. Her numbers keep coming back the same. We overestimate how badly it will go, and we underestimate the good that comes from saying it.
Paul wrote to a young man with that exact problem. 2 Timothy 1:7 says, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline." Start with where the verse falls, because almost no verse in the New Testament gets quoted by itself more often than this one. Verse 6, right before it, tells Timothy to fan into flames the spiritual gift God gave him. Verse 8, right after it, says never be ashamed to tell others about our Lord. So verse 7 lands in the middle of an argument about opening your mouth.
Then look at where Paul is when he writes it. He's in prison, and verse 15 of that same chapter says everyone in the province of Asia had deserted him. Paul knows what speaking costs. He was paying for it while he wrote the sentence.
Now take the last of the three gifts Paul lists. The Greek word is sophronismos, and it appears nowhere else in the New Testament. It means a mind that's governed, which is why the older translations render it as a sound mind.
Look at what that list is for. Power is the nerve to open your mouth, and love is what keeps the words pointed at the person. Then the third gift goes straight at the thing you're afraid of. A governed mind is what gets the wording right. So the exact fear you've got is the one God equipped you against. He gave the prompt, and in the same breath He gave the sound mind that handles how it comes out.
Bart shares his own version of it, a hospital visit he sensed he should make and put off until morning, along with what he had to settle with God afterward.
BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU'LL DISCOVER:
What verses 6 and 8 do to the way you've heard 2 Timothy 1:7 quoted The Greek word Paul uses once in the whole New Testament, and what it governs What the research says about the difference between saying it in person and typing it
Here's the practical step. Think of the prompt you've been ignoring, one name and one thing you've been meaning to say. Then go say it in person this week. Say it kindly and then stop talking, because the reaction belongs to them and to God. Bohns found that people badly overrate how well a message lands in writing, and that asking face to face beats email by more than anybody predicts. And one more thing. Don't wait until morning.
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Frequently Asked Questions
What does Vanessa Bohns say about the fear of speaking up?
Vanessa Bohns, a social psychologist at Cornell, discovered through her research that people consistently overestimate how badly a conversation will go and underestimate the good that comes from saying something.
How should 2 Timothy 1:7 be understood in its context?
When read alongside verse 6 (fanning spiritual gifts into flame) and verse 8 (not being ashamed to share about the Lord), 2 Timothy 1:7 clearly lands in the middle of an argument about opening your mouth and speaking out.
What does the Greek word sophronismos mean in the New Testament?
Appearing only once in the New Testament, sophronismos refers to a governed or sound mind, which serves as God's equipped response to the fear of saying the wrong thing.
Is it better to send a text or speak face-to-face when sharing a message?
Research cited in the episode shows that people badly overrate how well a message lands in writing, and asking face-to-face beats digital communication like email by a wide margin.
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Think of the last time you almost said something and
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didn't. A word of encouragement, maybe, or a question you'd
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wanted to ask. You ran the odds in your head and decided it
Track 1 00:00:10
would go badly, so you stayed quiet. Most of us do that a
Track 1 00:00:13
dozen times a day, at least. We stay silent because we're sure
Track 1 00:00:17
speaking up will cost us more than it gives. The truth was, a
Track 1 00:00:20
researcher has been measuring that exact calculation for years,
Track 1 00:00:23
and she found we get it wrong almost every time. We'll come
Track 1 00:00:28
back to what she found, but first, welcome to Daily
Track 1 00:00:33
Devotions for Busy Lives. I'm Bart Leger. Years ago, I had a
Track 1 00:00:37
strong sense I ought to go see somebody in the hospital. I knew
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this person wasn't a follower of Jesus. I knew I should go, and I
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had time to go. I told myself I'd go in the morning. They died
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during the night. I still don't know what I would have said, but
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I would have shared the gospel. I know I never said it. Here's
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what I had to settle afterward, and I want you to settle it, too,
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because I'd hate for you to hear my story and draw the wrong
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conclusion. Whether that person is with the Lord today was never
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really in my hands. Deuteronomy says the secret things belong to
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God, and I believe that. He does work in places I'm not standing
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in. But what was in my hands was a drive across town, and I
Track 1 00:01:18
didn't make it. Most Christians have experienced a version of
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that. Maybe not quite as serious, but still important. The
Track 1 00:01:25
conversation at work where you had something to say, and you
Track 1 00:01:27
let it pass. The encouragement you composed in your head, and
Track 1 00:01:30
you never delivered. And here's the fear that usually wins.
Track 1 00:01:34
You're afraid of botching it, of picking wrong words, and making
Track 1 00:01:37
the moment worse than the silent was. That comes from caring, by
Track 1 00:01:41
the way. You care enough to make sure you say the right thing.
Track 1 00:01:44
Paul wrote to a young man tempted to keep his mouth shut
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instead of speaking out. It's in 2 Timothy 1.7.
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I know this verse gets quoted often, but verse 6, right before
Track 1 00:02:01
it, tells Timothy to fan into flames a spiritual gift God gave
Track 1 00:02:04
to him. Verse 8, right after it, says, So verse 7 lands in the
Track 1 00:02:12
middle of an argument about opening your mouth. Then look at
Track 1 00:02:14
where Paul is when he writes it. He's in prison. And verse 15 of
Track 1 00:02:18
that same chapter says,
Track 1 00:02:22
So Paul knows what speaking costs. He was paying for it
Track 1 00:02:26
while he wrote the sentence. Now take the three things Paul says
Track 1 00:02:30
God did give instead. The word for that last one appears
Track 1 00:02:33
nowhere else in the New Testament. It means a mind
Track 1 00:02:36
that's governed. Sound judgment. The older translations give it
Track 1 00:02:40
as a sound mind. Then look at what that list is for. Power is
Track 1 00:02:45
the nerve to open your mouth, and love is what keeps the word
Track 1 00:02:48
pointed at the person. gift goes straight at the thing you're
Track 1 00:02:51
afraid of. The governed mind is what gets the wording right. So
Track 1 00:02:55
the exact fear you've got is the one God equipped you against. He
Track 1 00:02:59
gave the prompt, and in the same breath, he gave the sound mind
Track 1 00:03:02
that handles how it comes out, didn't give you that fear of
Track 1 00:03:05
speaking up. Her name was Vanessa Bonds, a social
Track 1 00:03:09
psychologist at Cornell. She studies the moment we decide
Track 1 00:03:13
whether to speak, and the numbers keep coming back the
Track 1 00:03:15
same. We overestimate how badly it will go, and we underestimate
Track 1 00:03:19
the good that comes from saying it. We brace for the awkwardness
Track 1 00:03:23
or the rejection, and we forget that people are usually more
Track 1 00:03:27
glad to be spoken to than we imagine. Bonds found something
Track 1 00:03:31
else about how we say it. People badly overrate how well a
Track 1 00:03:35
message lands in writing, and her work found that asking
Track 1 00:03:38
face-to-face beats email by more than anybody predicts. So the
Track 1 00:03:42
fear in your chest that says, keep it in, is running the odds
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wrong. It's a bad forecaster. You can say the thing kindly and
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leave the of the other person to God. Put her finding next to
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Paul's. A researcher spent years proving that our fear about
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speaking is unreliable. Paul told Timothy 2,000 years earlier
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that the fear was never the gift, and he listed the sound mind as
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the thing God handed over instead. Here's today's
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challenge. Think of the prompt you've been ignoring. One name
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and one thing you've been meaning to say. Then go say it
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in person this week before Sunday. Say it kindly, and then
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stop talking because the reaction belongs to them and God.
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person beats anything you type by a margin nobody, I believe,
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would consider. And one more thing from me to you. Don't wait
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until morning. Father, Paul told a timid young man that the fear
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in him never came from you, and he listed out what he did. Thank
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you that the sound mind is your gift and never our achievement.
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For everybody listening with a name on their heart and a reason
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to put it off, give them the nerve to go today. Help us say
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it kindly and leave the rest with you. In Jesus' name, amen.
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If you need prayer today, I'd love to hear from you. You can
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leave me a voicemail at dailydevotionsforbusylives.com
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slash voicemail. I listen to every single one, and it would
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be an honor to bring your name before the Lord. Thanks for
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joining me on Daily Devotions for Busy Lives. Remember, Paul
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listed the sound mind among God's gifts, which means the
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wording's covered. Go say it this week, and don't wait until
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morning. Come back next time for more encouragement to help you
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live grounded in God's truth. Until then, God bless and have a
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great day.
