What to Do When You’ve Been Giving Advice You Aren’t Following
Key Takeaways
- Many people readily give wise, level-headed advice to friends while completely failing to apply that same counsel to their own lives, a psychological phenomenon known as Solomon's Paradox.
- In Romans 2:21, the Apostle Paul challenges teachers by asking whether they have ever been in their own audience and why they fail to teach themselves.
- Psychological research shows that age does not automatically fix this gap; older adults reason just as poorly about their own problems as younger adults do.
- Treating the good advice you give to others as moral credit or personal achievement prevents you from actually putting it into practice in your own daily walk.
- The practical solution is to write down a piece of advice you recently gave someone else, put your own name at the top of it, and intentionally take the first step today.
You told a friend to rest while you were burning out. Learn what Paul's repeated verb in Romans 2:21 asks, and the one step that closes the split.
You've done it. You told a friend to slow down and rest while you were running yourself into the ground. You told your kid to pray about something while you'd been avoiding God for a month. The counsel was good and you meant every word of it. You just weren't taking any of it.
This episode opens with King Solomon, called the wisest man alive, with rulers traveling to hear him and his own life a wreck of choices he would have talked anyone else out of. Researchers found the same split running through almost all of us.
Romans 2:21 has a question for people in exactly that position: "Well then, if you teach others, why don't you teach yourself? You tell others not to steal, but do you steal?" Back up four verses to see who Paul is addressing. He describes a man who boasts about his standing with God, a man convinced he's a guide for the blind and qualified to instruct everybody else. Then the questions start, and they land like jabs.
Look at the verb in that first question. In the Greek it's the same word both times. You who teach another, do you not teach yourself. Paul is asking whether the teacher has ever been in his own audience.
Then read three verses further, to verse 24, and the stakes get bigger than personal tidiness. The Scriptures say the Gentiles blaspheme the name of God because of you. People watching a teacher draw conclusions about God from how the teacher lives, and Paul says they're drawing the wrong ones.
A chapter later Paul writes that everyone has sinned and we all fall short, which keeps this from becoming a sermon about somebody else. The counsel you gave was good counsel. It just never earned you anything, and treating it like credit is what let the split sit there for years.
Bart shares his own version of it. He tells people they need a Sabbath rest built into their week, and he can make the biblical case for it in about four minutes. Then there are plenty of weeks where he works all seven days.
BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU'LL DISCOVER:
What Paul's repeated verb in Romans 2:21 asks of the person doing the teaching Why verse 24 raises the stakes past your own tidiness What researchers found about taking your own advice, and why age doesn't fix it
Here's the practical step. Pick one piece of counsel you've given somebody recently and write it down in the words you used. Then put your own name at the top of it. Start with the one you'd be embarrassed to have the other person find out about, because that's where the seam is widest. If it's good counsel for them, it's good counsel for you. Then do the first piece of it today.
One finding from the research ought to get your attention. Older adults reasoned better than younger ones about somebody else's problem. On their own problems, the older group was no better. This does not sort itself out with time. You have to turn your own advice around and aim it at yourself on purpose, which is exactly what Paul was asking of the man who taught everybody else.
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Frequently Asked Questions
What is Solomon's Paradox?
Solomon's Paradox describes the psychological tendency for people to reason wisely and practically about other people's problems while becoming short-sighted and inconsistent when facing their own.
What does Romans 2:21 say about taking your own advice?
In Romans 2:21, the Apostle Paul asks the pointed question: 'Well then, if you teach others, why don't you teach yourself?' challenging individuals to live by the standards they set for everyone else.
Does getting older help you start taking your own advice?
No, psychological research reveals that age does not sort this out. While older adults reasoned better about other people's dilemmas, they were no better at solving their own personal issues than younger adults.
How can I stop giving advice I don't follow?
Start by picking a piece of counsel you recently gave someone else, writing down the exact words, and putting your own name at the top. Then, take the first practical step of that advice today.
Think about the best advice you've ever Odds are you
Speak:nailed it for somebody else and then turned around and didn't
Speak:heed it for yourself. And you're in old company. King Solomon was
Speak:called the wisest man alive. Rulers traveled far and wide to
Speak:hear him. And his own life was a wreck full of choices he would
Speak:have anyone else out of. The truth was, Solomon wasn't alone
Speak:in this. Researchers found the same split running through all
Speak:of them. Almost all of us. And they found something you can do
Speak:about it. We'll come back to what the researchers found, but
Speak:first,
Speak:welcome to Daily Devotions for Busy Lives. I'm Bart Leger. I've
Speak:offered this counsel more than once. I tell people they need a
Speak:Sabbath rest to build into their week. A day set aside from
Speak:producing anything. I know it's what we should do and I can make
Speak:the biblical case for it in about four minutes. Then there
Speak:are plenty of weeks where I work all seven days. Well, nobody
Speak:makes me do that. I tell anyone to protect one day a week and
Speak:then not protect one myself. And I'd have said both of these
Speak:things possibly in the same week. I worked every single day.
Speak:Almost every mature Christian has a moment like that. You hear
Speak:yourself telling a friend to slow down and rest while you've
Speak:been running yourself into the ground. You tell your kid to
Speak:pray about it. But then you didn't pray about the last three
Speak:big decisions you made. Paul had a question for people in exactly
Speak:that position. It's in Romans chapter 2 and verse number 21.
Speak:Well, then, if you teach others, why don't you teach yourself?
Speak:You tell others not to steal. But do you steal?
Speak:he isn't handing out a self-improvement tip. Back up
Speak:four verses. He's describing a man who boasts about his
Speak:standing with God. A man convinced he's a guide for the
Speak:blind and qualified to instruct everybody else. Then, Paul
Speak:starts asking questions. If you teach others, why don't you
Speak:teach yourself? You say adultery is wrong and Paul wants to know
Speak:whether you commit it. Look at the verb in that question. In
Speak:the Greek, it's the same word both times. You who teach
Speak:another, do you not teach yourself? Paul is asking whether
Speak:the teacher has ever been in his own audience. Then, read three
Speak:verses further to see what Paul says is at stake because it's
Speak:bigger than personal habits. Verse 24. The scriptures say the
Speak:Gentiles blaspheme the name of God because of you. The people
Speak:watching a teacher draw conclusions about God from how
Speak:the teacher lives. And Paul's saying they're drawing the wrong
Speak:ones. And here's where Paul's argument is headed, which keeps
Speak:this from being a sermon about somebody else. A chapter later,
Speak:he writes that everyone has sinned and we all fall short. So,
Speak:Paul puts the inconsistent man in with everybody else and he
Speak:doesn't give him an out. The one where knowing the right thing
Speak:counts toward doing it. That's the thing to take from the
Speak:passage. The counsel you gave was good counsel. It just never
Speak:earned you anything and treating it like credit is what keeps us
Speak:from putting it into practice ourselves. So, take your own
Speak:advice. Pick one piece of counsel you've given somebody
Speak:else recently and start practicing it this week for
Speak:yourself. And start with the one you'd be embarrassed to have the
Speak:other person find out about. That's usually the one with the
Speak:biggest gap and the one you've been protecting. A psychologist,
Speak:Igor Grossman, ran the experiments with Ethan Cross. He
Speak:had people reason through a crisis, sometimes their own and
Speak:sometimes a friend's. The same people who gave wise,
Speak:level-headed counsel about a friend's problem turned
Speak:short-sighted the second it was their own. He called it
Speak:Solomon's Paradox. Then came the part you can use. When people
Speak:were coached to step back and see their own situation as if it
Speak:belonged to someone else, asking why they felt that way, the gap
Speak:closed. They got as wise about their own mess as they had been
Speak:about everyone else's, which is close to what Scripture was
Speak:already telling us. Take the counsel you keep handing out and
Speak:start aiming it at yourself. One more finding from that work, and
Speak:it's the one that ought to get your attention. They ran older
Speak:adults, 60 to 80 years old, against younger adults in their
Speak:20s and 30s. On somebody else's problem, the older group
Speak:reasoned better. On their own issues, the older group was no
Speak:better than the young ones. this. With age comes wisdom, and it
Speak:applies to other people's dilemmas and not to your own. So
Speak:this doesn't sort itself out. You don't age into taking your
Speak:own advice. You have to turn and aim it at yourself on purpose,
Speak:which is the same thing Paul was asking the man who taught
Speak:everybody else. Here's today's challenge. Write a piece of
Speak:advice you gave somebody in the last month. The exact words, if
Speak:you can remember them. Then put your own name at the top of it
Speak:and put it into practice. If it's good counsel for them, it's
Speak:good counsel for you. And do that first piece of it today
Speak:while the words are still in front of you. Father, you ask
Speak:through Paul whether the man who teaches others has ever taught
Speak:himself, and the question still finds us. Thank you that you
Speak:never counted our good advice as obedience, because counting it
Speak:would have left us where we were. For everybody listening who's
Speak:been handing out counsel they haven't taken, give them the
Speak:nerve to turn it around on themselves this week. Help us
Speak:live what we tell other people is true. In Jesus' name, amen.
Speak:If Daily Devotions for Busy Lives has been an encouragement
Speak:to you, would you take a minute and leave a rating and review?
Speak:It helps more people find these devotions, and it only takes a
Speak:moment. I'd be so grateful. Thanks for joining me on Daily
Speak:Devotions for Busy Lives. Remember, Paul asked the teacher
Speak:whether he'd been in his own audience. Put your name on your
Speak:own advice this week. Come back next time for more encouragement
Speak:to help you live grounded in God's truth. Until then, God
Speak:bless and have a great day.
