When You've Become Estranged from a Family Member

Grant Phillips walked out of his father's house

the summer he finished high school, and he didn't plan on

going back. His dad was a Navy fighter pilot who ran the home

like his cockpit. It was all yes sir and no sir, strict rules,

and a running list of where the kids fell short. Grant couldn't

remember a hug or an I love you. So the day he was old enough, he

left, and he put 3,000 miles between them. The distance

didn't fix him. Grant drank to numb whatever was gnawing at him,

wrecked five cars, and flew into rages. Then he caught the same

fear on his own kids' faces that he used to feel around his dad.

And he got into recovery. Working the steps, he came to

the one about making amends. He put his father in a category all

his own, the one he labeled, When Hell Freezes Over. For 15

years, there'd been almost nothing between them, just a

stiff monthly phone call about the weather. Grant finally wrote

his dad a letter telling the truth about how much he'd been

hurt. Six months of silence went by. Then his sister called.

Something was wrong with her dad. And Grant found himself doing a

thing he'd sworn he'd never do. He picked up the phone, dialed

the number, and worked through the small talk until it ran out.

His hands were shaking. There was one thing he had to say, and

he opened his mouth to say it. Welcome back to what he said.

But first,

welcome to Daily Devotions for Busy Lives. I'm Bart Leger. If

there's a family member you haven't spoken to in years and

the silence feels permanent now, this one is about the door back.

I've seen where this road ends more times than I'd like. In law

enforcement, I'd often have to track down the next of kin after

a death. Over and over, when I talked to a neighbor or spoke to

a distant relative, I heard the same thing. Well, they have a

son, but they haven't spoken in 20 years. Or, I think there's a

brother somewhere, but they haven't talked in 30 years. Two

people, related by blood, who'd left a rift hardened in the

decades of silence until one stood at a graveside wishing

they'd made the call. That's why I don't want you to wait. Family

estrangement is a grief almost nobody talks about, and it's

more common than you guess. Maybe it's a sibling you don't

speak to anymore. Maybe it's a grown child who stopped

returning your calls. The reasons may vary, but usually

both sides are sure they're the reasonable one. Each waits for

the other to move first, so nobody moves. The distance that

started with a single wound becomes a habit of silence that

outlasts its cause. Years go by, then decades, and a relationship

that could have healed just slips away. The Bible has a

reunion scene for exactly this. Jacob had cheated his brother

Esau out of their father's blessing and run for his life.

Twenty years later, he had to cross a river and face the

brother he'd wronged. Listen to Genesis 33, verses 1-4. Then

Jacob looked up and saw Esau coming with his four hundred men.

So he divided the children among Leah, Rachel, and his two

servant wives. He put the servant wives and their children

at the front, Leah and her children next, and Rachel and

Joseph last. Then Jacob went on ahead. As he approached his

brother, he bowed to the ground seven times before him. Then

Esau ran to meet him and embraced him, threw his arms

around his neck and kissed him. And they both wept.

and Jacob was the one who crossed the river. He walked

toward the person he had every reason to fear, bowing low the

whole way. And watch Esau. He'd spent years with a legitimate

grievance. But when he saw his brother coming, he didn't wait

for an apology. He ran, threw his arms around the brother who

wronged him, and they wept. Here's the pattern. God tends to

move first through the person who chooses courage. Somebody

has to be willing to cross the river, and it's usually the one

humble enough to go first. When you take that step toward an

estranged family member, you're not guaranteed an Esau on the

other side. Some doors stay closed, and I won't pretend

otherwise. But you'll never know what God was ready to do until

someone is brave enough to start walking. The door that's been

closed for 20 years, or more, or less, can still open. I love you,

Dad. There was a long silence. Then, Grant heard something he'd

never heard before. His father was crying. I love you too, son.

On a visit a few months later, the truth came out. Grant's

mother had been an alcoholic all those years, and his father had

held the family together the only way he knew how, with rules

and order trying to shield his kids. What Grant had read as

coldness had been love he couldn't see yet. The door that

had been shut for 15 years opened the day Grant walked

toward it first, and the two of them had 17 more years on the

other side of it. Here's today's challenge. Think of the family

member you no longer speak to. The one you keep waiting to

reach out first. This week, be the one who crosses the river.

It doesn't have to be a grand reconciliation. Send a text, or

make the call, or work through the small talk until you can say

the one true thing you've wanted to say. you're simply choosing

to be the brave one, whatever the fault turns out to be. And

bring the whole relationship to God first, asking him to go

ahead of you across that river, the way he went ahead of Jacob.

Father, you know the ones listening who have a family

member on the other side of a long silence, aching over it

more than they let on. while we were still far off. Give them

Jacob's courage to cross the river and face what they've been

avoiding. Go ahead of them and soften the heart on the other

side. And where a door has been closed for years, do what only

you can do. And open it. In Jesus' name, amen. If you need

prayer today, I'd love to hear from you. You can leave me a

voicemail at dailydevotionsforbusylives.com

slash voicemail. I listen to every single one, and it would

be an honor to bring your name before the Lord. Thanks for

joining me on Daily Devotions for Busy Lives. Remember, God

often moves first through the brave one. So if there's a river

between you and someone you love, you can be the one who crosses

it. Come back next time for more encouragement to help you live

grounded in God's truth. Until then, God bless and have a great

day.