Losing a Spouse to Death
There is no loss quite like losing the person you built your life with. In this episode, discover how God draws near to the brokenhearted, sitting with you in the ashes of your grief when well-meaning words fall short.
There is no loss quite like losing the person you built your life with. In this episode, discover how God draws near to the brokenhearted, sitting with you in the ashes of your grief when well-meaning words fall short.
What do you do when the person you built your entire life with is suddenly gone, and you’re left staring at an empty chair?
When you lose your husband or wife, the pain is unimaginably deep because the connection was so deep. In the rawness of that loss, people around you often don't know what to do with deep grief. Wanting to fix your pain, well-meaning friends may offer neat theological explanations or familiar clichés like "they're in a better place" or "time heals all wounds," silently expecting you to hold it together.
But to a grieving widow or widower, those words usually feel painfully hollow, dismissing the sheer magnitude of the loss. God does not minimize your grief, nor does He ask you to hurry up and get over it. In this episode, we explore the heartbreaking story of Simon Thomas, who suddenly lost his wife to illness and had to navigate a shattered world. Through his honest journey and the deep comfort of Psalm 34:18, you'll see that Jesus is a Savior well acquainted with sorrow. He doesn't offer empty platitudes. He offers His presence, weeping with you and sitting right there in the ashes.
BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU’LL DISCOVER:
- Why well-meaning clichés often do more harm than good for a grieving spouse
- How Jesus’s reaction to the death of Lazarus reveals God's true response to our heartbreak
- A gentle, permission-giving way to bring your raw, unfiltered pain to God today
Healing doesn't mean you'll eventually forget, but you can learn to take the next step, trusting the God who holds your spouse in eternity, and holds you in the in-between.
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Simon Thomas was happily married to his wife, Gemma,
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raising their young son together. Then, Gemma started feeling bad.
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A trip to the doctor led to a devastating diagnosis, acute
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myeloid leukemia. Just three days later, she was gone. At 44,
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Simon was suddenly a widower, walking back into an eerily
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silent house and facing the terrifying reality of raising
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his son alone. In the agonizing weeks that followed,
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well-meaning people tried to comfort him with familiar
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phrases like, God needed another angel, or everything happens for
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a reason. But to a man whose world had just collapsed, those
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words felt painfully hollow. When you're staring at an empty
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chair at the dinner table, why do those well-meaning cliches
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feel like they do more harm than good?
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A person who feels like they do more. Welcome to Daily Devotions
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for Busy Lives. I am Bart Leger, and today we're talking about a
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kind of pain that words can't even begin to express. It's the
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pain and grief of losing a spouse to death. with you up
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front. I have not experienced this specific kind of loss, but
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I have a dear friend who recently lost his wife, and my
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heart just goes out to him, and to anyone listening today who is
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walking this incredibly dark and painful road. Anyone who's ever
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experienced this will tell you, there is no loss quite like
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losing the person you built your life with. Everything changes.
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You notice that empty chair at the table every time you sit
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down to eat. The house is eerily silent at night. You realize
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they'll miss every milestone for the rest of your life.
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Well-meaning people say things like, They're in a better place.
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Or, Time heals. But in the rawness of loss, those words
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often feel hollow. God does not minimize grief. Jesus wept at
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the tomb of Lazarus, even though he knew he would raise him from
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the dead. Jesus is well acquainted with our grief and
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sorrow. He sits with us in the ashes. Healing doesn't mean you
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will eventually forget, But you can learn to move forward while
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trusting that the God who held your spouse in life now holds
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them in eternity, and he holds you too, in the in-between. I've
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shared this verse in our devotions before, but it's an
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anchor when your world falls apart. It's Psalm 34, 18, and it
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says, The Lord is close to the brokenhearted. He rescues those
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whose spirits are crushed. When you lose your spouse, the pain
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is so deep because the connection was so deep. You
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didn't just lose a partner. You lost a part of yourself. You
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lost your shared history and the person who knew you better than
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anyone else. In the middle of that raw, crushing pain,
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Christian culture often doesn't know what to do with such deep
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grief. We want to fix it. We want to offer neat and tidy
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words that we think will help a person feel better. So we
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default to cliches. But to a grieving widow or widower, those
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words usually just feel like their loss is being minimized.
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But look at how God handles grief. He doesn't offer hollow
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cliches. Instead, He pulls up right alongside us. He draws
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close to the brokenhearted. When Jesus stood with Mary and Martha
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after their brother Lazarus died, He knew He was going to perform
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a miracle. He knew Lazarus was going to come back to life in
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just a few minutes. But He didn't tell them to dry their
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tears or to look on the bright side. What did He do? Jesus wept.
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He looked at the pain of death and saw the shattered hearts of
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the people He loved. And He let His own heart break along with
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theirs. He is a Savior who's well acquainted with sorrow. He
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doesn't tell you to hurry up and get over it. He sits right with
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you there in the ashes. In his memoir, Love Interrupted, Simon
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is brutally honest about how much those misplaced attempts at
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comfort hurt. He realized neat and tidy explanations weren't
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what he needed. Instead, he cried out to a God who
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understands tears, remembering that Jesus Himself wept at the
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tomb of His friend Lazarus. God doesn't minimize our grief or
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expect us to paste a over a shattered heart. Jesus is well
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acquainted with our sorrow and He sits with us right there in
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the ashes. Healing doesn't mean you'll eventually forget. But
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you can learn to take the next step, trusting that the God who
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held your spouse in life is now holding them dear to His heart
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in eternity. And He holds you too, right? There in the
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in-between time. If you're the one staring at an empty chair
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today, I'm not going to offer you a quick fix because there
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isn't one. Grief is love with nowhere to go. But I want to
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remind you that you don't have to carry it alone. Here's
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today's gentle challenge. If your heart is crushed today,
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don't try to mask your pain. Bring it to the God who collects
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your tears. Pray a very honest raw prayer. You don't need fancy
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words. You can simply say something like, Lord, my heart's
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crushed and I need you to be close to me right now. I'm
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trusting you to hold them in eternity, but please hold me
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today. And if you know someone who's recently lost their spouse,
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your challenge is this. Don't just offer a cliche. Offer your
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presence. Sit with them. Acknowledge their pain. Speak
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their spouse's name and let them know you remember. Be the hands
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and feet of a God who draws near. Lord, my heart aches for every
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person listening who's navigating the devastating loss
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of a husband or wife. It's a pain that words could never
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express. Thank you that you don't rush our grief or offer
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empty platitudes. You simply draw near to the brokenhearted.
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Would you wrap your arms around the grieving today? Rescue their
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crushed spirits and remind them that if they've trusted Christ
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as their Savior, you hold their spouse securely in eternity and
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you're holding them right now in the in-between. In Jesus' name.
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Amen. If you are walking through the painful, messy grief of
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losing a spouse and you need someone to pray with you, I
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would count it an honor to lift you up in prayer. You can leave
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me a voicemail at dailydevotionsforbusylives.com
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slash voicemail and I'll pray for you by name. Thanks for
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joining me on Daily Devotions for Busy Lives. Remember, God
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doesn't minimize your grief. He sits with you in the ashes. Come
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back next time for more encouragement to help you live
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grounded in God's truth. Until then, God bless and have a great
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day.
