When Grief Doesn't End on Schedule
You can be managing for months and then fall apart in a grocery store. That's not falling behind. In this episode, discover what grief research and Psalm 147:3 both say about the pace God heals the brokenhearted.
You can be managing for months and then fall apart in a grocery store. That's not falling behind. In this episode, discover what grief research and Psalm 147:3 both say about the pace God heals the brokenhearted.
A woman walked into a grocery store three months after her father died. She wasn't falling apart. She'd been managing: gotten through the funeral and the paperwork, and gone back to work. She wasn't thinking about her dad when she walked through those doors.
Then she turned down the coffee aisle and saw his brand on an endcap with a discount tag. The same brand he always bought. The one that smelled like his kitchen on winter mornings. She made it to the parking lot before she broke down. Keys still in her hand. Crying over a bag of coffee she had no reason to buy anymore.
Her video went viral because thousands of people recognized what she was describing. Most of them had experienced something like it.
Grief doesn't follow the timeline other people expect of it. You can be managing for months and then fall apart in a coffee aisle, and that's just grief doing what grief does. It takes as long as it takes, and it shows up when it shows up.
Not long after my best friend died, I heard a joke that would have made him laugh. Before I knew what I was doing, I had my phone out and was dialing his number. My thumb knew what my brain hadn't caught up to yet. That's how grief works. The body responds before the mind catches up.
Researchers at Columbia University who study bereavement have found that the brain of a grieving person is constantly, involuntarily scanning its surroundings for the person who died. When it finds a match, a familiar smell or brand or song, the body reacts before the conscious mind catches up. The grief feels physical because it is. Your nervous system is still looking.
Psalm 147:3 says God heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds. Both verbs are present tense. Ongoing. He's doing it now, at the pace grief moves in a human life. The word translated "brokenhearted" in the Hebrew means shattered, and God draws close to the shattered. The closeness comes first. The healing follows.
Through the woman's story and Psalm 147:3, this episode speaks directly to the person who feels like they should be further along by now. You're allowed to be where you are. God is not impatient with the process.
BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU'LL DISCOVER:
- What Columbia University's grief research reveals about why the body reacts to loss months after the fact, and why that response makes sense
- What the Hebrew word behind "brokenhearted" in Psalm 147:3 tells us about the kind of person God draws close to
- One concrete thing you can do today when grief shows up unexpectedly
Grief is what love looks like when the person is gone. God heals the brokenhearted at the pace grief moves. He stays.
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Three months after her father died, a woman walked into
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a grocery store to pick up a few things. She wasn't falling apart.
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Three months in, she'd been managing. She'd gotten through
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the funeral, handled the paperwork, gone back to work,
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and started building some kind of normal again. She wasn't
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thinking about her dad when she walked through those doors. She
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was thinking about what she needed from the store. Then, she
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turned down the coffee aisle and saw his brand on sale. It was
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stacked on an end cap with a discount tag, the same brand he
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always bought, the one that smelled like his kitchen on
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winter mornings. She made it to the parking lot before she broke
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down, keys still in her hand, crying over a bag of coffee she
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had no reason to buy She shared the story in a video that went
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viral, and thousands of people recognized what she described,
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because most of them had experienced something similar in
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one form or another. We'll come back to what her story tells us,
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but
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welcome to Daily Devotions for Busy Lives. I'm Bart Léger. Not
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long after my best friend died, I heard a joke that would have
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made him laugh. Before I knew what I was doing, I had my phone
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out and was dialing his number. The grief came back all at once.
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My thumb knew what my brain hadn't caught up to yet. He
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wasn't there to answer. That's the thing about grief. It
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doesn't always announce itself. It just appears in a coffee
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aisle, or a joke someone tells at dinner, and your body
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responds before your mind knows what's happening. If you've been
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in that place, I want to say something to you before I say
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anything else. You're in the middle of something, and the
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middle of it is allowed to look exactly like this. Grief takes
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as long as it takes, and there's no schedule it's supposed to
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follow. The people around you may have moved They may be
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wondering when you'll be back to yourself, and that can make you
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feel like you've been grieving on borrowed time, like you
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should be further along by now. You're allowed to be where you
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are. You're just still in it, and being still in it is allowed.
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Here's what Psalm 147 verse 3 says:
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Both of these verbs, heals and bandages, are present tense in
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the original text. They're ongoing. God's work with the
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brokenhearted is active, continuous, and it's timed to
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the pace of the grief. Not the expectations of everyone
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watching from the outside. The word translated "brokenhearted"
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in this verse comes from a Hebrew word that means
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"shattered". God draws close to the shattered. He doesn't wait
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for them to pull themselves together before He moves toward
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them. The closeness comes first, and then the healing follows.
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Most of us we're never told that grief is physical. Researchers
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at Columbia University who study loss have found that the brain
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of a bereaved person is constantly, involuntarily
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scanning its surroundings for the person who died. When it
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finds a match, a smell, or a song, a brand on a shelf, the
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body reacts before the conscious mind catches up. That's why
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grief can feel so sudden even months after a loss. That's why
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you're You're not losing your mind. You're loving someone
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who's gone, and love doesn't turn off on a schedule, either.
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not impatient with the pace of your grief. He's not waiting to
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see when you'll finally be over it. He heals the brokenhearted.
Present tense:
"Ongoing: at the pace grief moves in a human
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life." Now, let's get back to the woman in the parking lot.
Present tense:
She was falling apart because she loved her father. Grief is
Present tense:
what love looks like when the person's gone, and God isn't
Present tense:
waiting for you to get yourself together before He draws close.
Psalm 147 00:03:36
3 says, "He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their
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wounds." Both of those are present tense verbs. He's doing
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it now at the pace grief moves, not at the pace everyone else
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thinks it The parking lot and the coffee aisle are places to
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grieve or wherever it is you are.
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God is in all those places already there and already Here's
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today's challenge: Be where you are in the grief today. If it's
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pressing on you, tell God what you're feeling. Not a composed
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prayer, just what it is that you're feeling, and be honest
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with Him. He already knows, but saying it out loud to the one
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who heals does something that keeping it private Lord, you see
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the ones who are grieving today. The ones who are farther from
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the lost than anyone expects them to still be feeling it.
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Draw Do the healing work you promised in Psalm 147. Let them
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know that your presence doesn't depend on their timeline and
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that the grief is something you can hold with them for as long
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as it takes. In Jesus name, amen. This podcast is listener
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supported. If Daily Devotions for Busy Lives has been an
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encouragement to you, would you consider giving a one-time gift
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or, better yet, becoming a monthly supporter? You can give
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at
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dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/support . I thank you for it. Thanks for
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joining me on Daily Devotions for Busy Lives. Remember,
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For more encouragement to help you live grounded in God's truth.
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Until then, God bless and have a great day.
