When You've Wanted Children and It Hasn't Happened

Chelsea Patterson-Sabolik was adopted as

a newborn, taken into a family at the very start of her life.

Growing up in North Carolina, the thing she wanted more than

almost anything was to one day be a mom herself. In her early

20s, she went to a doctor expecting a manageable problem.

Instead, she walked out with a diagnosis, a rare condition that

meant she would never be able to bear a child of her own. Not

later, not even with treatment. The one thing she'd always

wanted was gone for good. She was a young woman in church

circles where babies get dedicated and pregnancy

announcements come out every few weeks. she found there's almost

no language for the woman in the third row, whose body will never

do that. She'd later titled the opening chapter of her book, The

Silent Struggle. So before she did anything else, Chelsea faced

a decision. The diagnosis was settled. The open question was

what she'd do with God, the same God she'd been praying to for

the very thing he had allowed to be taken away. We'll come back

to what she decided and where it led her years later. But first,

welcome to Daily Devotions for Busy Lives. I'm Bart Leger. If

you've wanted children and it hasn't happened, I want you to

know you're not alone. I don't know exactly how you feel, but I

trust in the God who does. This one is close to my family. Our

daughter's first baby was stillborn. But by God's grace,

she went on to have other children. But I watched what

that loss did, and I won't pretend a later joy erases an

earlier grief. I've also spent years talking with couples who

wanted children and found they couldn't have them naturally.

And I've seen how lonely that unique grief can be and how few

people know what to say to them. Here's what a lot of people live

with and rarely say out loud. Couples who spent years trying

for a child that never came. And women who've lost pregnancies

without warning, sometimes more than once. Behind it is the slow

realization that this part of life may not look the way you

pictured. That's grief, even though no one died the way that

the world could see, and the ache of it is mostly invisible

to other people. Church, of all places, can be one of the

loneliest rooms to feel it in because the church culture

celebrates babies far more easily than it grieves with the

ones who don't have them. The Bible doesn't look away from

this grief. It gives it one of the rawest prayers in all of

Scripture. Listen to 1 Samuel 1, verses 10-13. Hannah was in deep

anguish, crying bitterly as she prayed to the Lord. And she made

this vow, O Lord of heaven's armies, If you will look upon my

sorrow and answer my prayer and give me a son, then I will give

him back to you. He will be yours for his entire lifetime.

And as a sign that he has been dedicated to the Lord, his hair

will never be cut. As she was praying to the Lord, Eli watched

her, seeing her lips moving but hearing no sound. He thought she

had been drinking. Hannah wanted a child and couldn't have one,

and year after year it broke her. When she finally brought it to

God, she didn't tidy it up. She prayed with such a band and her

lips moving and no sound coming out that Eli, the priest on duty,

assumed she was drunk. He misread her completely. But God

didn't. He saw what Eli missed and received a prayer too raw

for words. You don't have to bring God a composed version of

that grief or make peace with it first. You can bring him the

unedited ache, even the envy you feel at the next pregnancy

announcement. The prayer that comes out as tears instead of

sentences is still one he receives, as he did Hannah's.

And hold on to this. Whatever happens next. Sometimes the

longing is met through birth or through a door like adoption you

haven't even tried to open yet. But sometimes it isn't. At least

not the way you pictured. Either way, God promises you this. He

sees you. His eyes are on the grief the world walks right past.

You're not invisible to him. You never were. Chelsea didn't get a

reversal. There was no surprise pregnancy and no medical

turnaround. What she did was stop hiding the grief and

started bringing it to God. Oh, the raw version. The way Hannah

did at the temple in 1 Samuel. Hannah prayed so unguarded that

the priest on duty assumed she was drunk. And God heard her

anyway. Chelsea brought God that same unfiltered ache and over

time she found he'd been close all along. She put it in a book

called Longing for Motherhood written for the next woman in

that exam room or that third row saying what she'd wished someone

had said to her. Even when your heart is breaking he feels far

away. He's right beside you. Years later, she and her husband

adopted a little boy. The love for her son and the old longing

live in the same heart now. The thing she prayed never came the

way she pictured it. But Chelsea Patterson Sobolik will tell you

that she was seen the whole way through by a God her grief was

never invisible to. Here's today's challenge. If this is

your grief, give yourself permission today to stop

pretending you're okay. moment alone with God and tell him the

truth of where you are. Out loud if you can, the way Hannah did.

You don't need the right words. He already knows. And if you can,

name one safe person, a trusted friend, or maybe a pastor and

let them in on what you've been feeling alone. This was never

meant to be born in secret and you were never as alone. You

were never as alone as it felt. Father, you see every person

listening who has wanted a child and watched that hope go

unanswered, including those who've lost pregnancies along

the way. Thank you that no part of this grief is hidden from you.

Meet them the way you met Hannah in the rawest version of their

prayer. Whether or not the longing is ever filled the way

they hoped, let them know deep down that they are seen and

loved by you and be near in the rooms where everyone else is

celebrating. In Jesus' name, amen. If this episode encouraged

you today, would you share it with someone who might need to

hear it? Just go to dailydevotionsforbusylives.com

slash 267 and copy the link. It only takes a second and it might

make a real difference in someone's day. Thanks for

joining me on Daily Devotions for Busy Lives. remember,

whether or not the longing is met the way you hoped, your

grief is not invisible to God. He sees you and He's near. Come

back next time for more encouragement to help you live

grounded in God's truth. Until then, God bless and have a great

day.