When Your Spouse Doesn't Share Your Faith

Sam Dahlhauser had been married to Mike for years

before she ever saw anything that looked like movement. Mike

had his own way of handling things, his own version of a

life that made sense without God in it. He wasn't hostile to

Sam's faith, but he wasn't interested in it either. She

didn't lecture him or make his faith her project. She kept

praying and showing up for their marriage, trusting that God was

doing something she couldn't see. For a long time, she had no

evidence that anything was changing. That is one of the

loneliest places a person can be. Believing one thing with your

whole heart and coming home every day to someone who doesn't

share it and wondering if your prayers are going anywhere.

We'll come back to what eventually happened in Mike's

life, but

first, welcome to Daily Devotions for Busy Lives. I'm

Bart Leger. If you're married to someone who doesn't share your

faith, then this episode is for you. I've counseled many people

in exactly this spot. Some of them married someone knowing the

faith wasn't shared and went in with their eyes open. Others

came to Christ years into a marriage, and suddenly the

person they'd built a life with was a stranger on the things

that mattered most to them now. In nearly every case, it created

some level of conflict because you can't share your deepest

hope with someone who doesn't hold it. I've seen how lonely

that gets, even in a marriage that's good in every other way.

This is a situation many believers live in. The most

important thing in your life, your faith, is the one thing the

person closest to you doesn't share. You pray alone, or you

sit in church next to someone whose heart isn't there, or you

sit in church alone as well. The decisions about the kids and

faith land mostly on you. And in the middle of regular life,

there's a loneliness you rarely put into words, because on paper,

the marriage works, and you love each other. You just don't meet

in the one place you most want to. This is the exact situation

Paul addressed in the early church, and his counsel was

direct. Listen to 1 Corinthians 7, verses 13 and 14. And if a

believing woman has a husband who is not a believer, and he is

willing to continue living with her, she must not leave him. For

the believing wife brings holiness to her marriage, and

the believing husband brings holiness to his marriage.

Otherwise, your children would not be holy. But now, they are

holy. Look at what Paul does there. He tells the believing

wife to stay, and he tells the believing husband the same. Then

he says something striking. The believing spouse brings holiness

to the marriage, and even to the children. That is the idea of

being set apart for God. Your presence in that home is holy

ground, set apart by God for something He's doing. Paul

doesn't spell out what that looks like day to day, or even

how long it takes. He just says, your being there matters. The

faithfulness you think nobody notices is doing something in

the unseen places of your home. Notice what Sam didn't do,

though. She didn't turn Mike into a project. She didn't

lecture him. She loved him and kept praying, and she left the

pursuing to God. And here's the encouragement, especially if

you've been at this for years with no sign of change. God

works on a longer timeline than we do. Mike Dahlhauser describes

God pursuing him across decades before he surrendered. Decades.

If you're a few years in and discouraged, I believe that's

worth remembering. A stretch with no visible change can still

be a stretch where God is doing His work in the other person's

life. Your job is to love your spouse well and stay faithful in

prayer, trusting God with the timeline and the outcome. The

converting was never yours to do. God used two things to reach

Mike Dahlhauser. One was the persevering prayers of his wife.

The other was a group of Christian men at Austin Ridge

Bible Church in Austin, Texas, who got close enough to him to

make a difference. He describes God's pursuit of him as spanning

decades. He didn't walk through a door and find easy faith on

the other side. He describes a long resistance and a longer

pursuit, and at the end of it, a surrender. Sam's prayers were

part of the foundation God laid. Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7

that the believing spouse brings holiness to the marriage. He

doesn't define what that looks like day to day or how long it

takes. He just says your presence in that home matters.

God's at work in the places you can't see. Sam couldn't see it

either. She prayed and stayed, and God was working. Here's

today's challenge. If you're married to someone who doesn't

believe, do one thing today that loves them well with no agenda

attached. Make the coffee without a word about church or

sit through the show they like. Let your faith look like warmth

toward them today, and pray for them once tonight, the kind of

prayer you may have stopped praying because it felt like it

wasn't working. God hears it, and he's been working the whole

time. Father, thank you that you pursue the people we love long

after we've run out of strength to pursue them ourselves. For

the husband or wife praying alone in a divided home, remind

them their presence. There is holy ground, and their

faithfulness is never wasted. Do what we cannot do in the heart

of the one we married, and give us the patience to keep loving

and keep praying while you work in the places we can't see. In

Jesus' name, amen. If this episode encouraged you today,

would you share it with someone who might need to hear it? Just

go to dailydevotionsforbusylives.com

slash 255 and copy the link. It only takes a second, and it

makes a real difference in someone's day. Thanks for

joining me on Daily Devotions for Busy Lives. Remember, your

presence in that home is holy ground, and your faithfulness is

doing more than you can see. Come back next time for more

encouragement to help you live grounded in God's truth. Until

then, God bless, and have a great day.