When You're Waiting for an Apology That Isn't Coming

For most of her life, Leslie Fields waited for her

father to say he was sorry. He had left the family when she was

young and dropped them into years of hardship, and he never

once admitted the damage he did. Every day, she waited for the

apology that would make it right. When she finally reconnected

with him as a grown woman, she got her answer. He was still

cold and distant. There was no remorse in him, no sign that he

even thought he had done anything wrong. The truth was,

the apology she had waited decades for was never coming,

and she had to decide what to do with a debt that would never be

paid. Welcome back to what she decided, but first,

welcome to Daily Devotions for Busy Lives. I'm Bart Leger. I've

pastored long enough now to watch what this does to a person

over time. You meet somebody at 40 who is waiting on an apology,

and you run into them again at 55, and the still hasn't come.

Neither has anything else. The waiting took the 15 years. I've

also stood at funerals for people who were still waiting

when they died. That's the part that hurts the most. The other

person never came around, And this person spent his last years

holding an account nobody was ever going to settle. You know

exactly what you're waiting for. The email. The sit-down

conversation where they finally say the words and admit what

they did. And it isn't happening. Days turn into weeks. And then

the months go by. You check to see whether they've reached out.

They haven't. And you tell yourself you've stopped

expecting it while you keep checking. Meanwhile, the

resentment grows. Part of you already knows this. You're the

one paying for it. They're going about their week without wants,

thinking about what's weighing heavily on you. Jesus said

something about this. And where he said it, I believe, matters

as much as what he said. It's in Mark 11, 25. But when you are

praying, first forgive anyone you're holding a grudge against,

so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins too. Look

at where Jesus puts this. When you're praying. He had just

finished telling the disciples about moving mountains and

praying in faith. And then he adds this. You're standing there

praying, holding something against somebody. Deal with that

first. He attaches forgiveness to the moment you stand up to

pray. Whatever the other person is doing that day has no part in

the instruction. And notice what he leaves out. There's no

condition attached to it. No clause about them apologizing

first. Just forgive while you're standing there praying. That

tells you something about what this is. It's a transaction

between you and God about a person. And the person doesn't

have to be in the room or know anything about it. Which is also

why it's available to you today. You've been waiting on a meeting

that never requires two people to show up. This one requires

just one. So bring the whole thing to God and let him do the

accounting. He's got the full record, including the parts you

were never told about.

Leslie stopped waiting for her father to change and let God

change her instead. She started to see him differently, as a

broken man who had been wounded himself. One day, in a hospital

room, she put her hand on his shoulder, the first time she had

ever touched him with compassion. He never did apologize. He never

did apologize. He never became the father she had wanted. But

Leslie walked away free because she had handed the whole account

to God and stopped letting her father's failure cost her one

more day. Look at how little her father gave her. No apology. No

acknowledgement that he had done anything wrong at all. He never

became the man she needed him to be. And she walked out of that

room free anyway. Which tells you the freedom was never in his

hands to give her in the first place. And look at where it

started. She quit waiting for him to change and let God change

her instead. That was the only part of the whole situation she

had any say over. One thing before the challenge. Because

somebody listening needs to hear it. Forgiving a person doesn't

mean restoring the relationship. It doesn't require you to give

them access to you or your children. And it doesn't require

you to act like what happened was acceptable. You can forgive

a man and keep a locked door between you two at the same time.

And if what was done to you involved abuse, get yourself

safe and get help from people trained for it. Forgiveness is

no substitute for either one. Here's today's challenge. Do

what Jesus said to do in the place he said to do it. Today,

when you pray, before you ask God for a single thing, say the

person's name out loud and tell God you are releasing the debt

to him. You'll probably have to do it again tomorrow. Most

people do. Forgiveness given once tends to need renewing

until the wound closes over. And then, quit checking. Whatever

you have been doing to see whether they've reached out,

stop doing it this week. Father, you know the account we've been

holding, and you know how long we've held it. Thank you that

your son attached this to the prayer room, and we can go there

anytime. We can do it tonight without anybody else's

cooperation. For everybody listening who has been waiting

for years for words that are never coming, release them from

the waiting. And take the ledger out of their hands. Do the

settling yourself in your own way and in your own time. In

Jesus' name, amen. This podcast runs on the generosity of

listeners just like you. If Daily Devotions for Busy Lives

has encouraged you, would you consider supporting it with a

one-time gift or by becoming a monthly supporter? Every

contribution helps keeps these devotions coming every week. You

can give at dailydevotionsforbusylives.com

slash support. Thank you so much. Thanks for joining me on Daily

Devotions for Busy Lives. Remember, Jesus attached this to

the moment you stand up to pray, which means you can do it today

without him. Hand God the account, and come back next time

for more encouragement to help you live grounded in God's truth.

Until then, God bless, and have a great day.